A Precious Life

Nothing is a waste. A life is never a mistake.

In May of 2008, I made the decision to stop attending Bryan College. Can't say I haven't struggled with some regret of this decision. But, the story goes on. And gets better. My time at Bryan forced me to examine my own beliefs, their authenticity, and who I really was or was pretending to be. I left it all--denied it all. No longer would I consider myself a Christian, and no longer would I place my trust or faith in a God that all of these Bryan people pretended to believe in. Needless to say, my attitude was bitter.

In the fall of 2008, I was waiting tables at Texas Roadhouse and going to school at Pellissippi State. I was living alone in Oak Ridge in a cluster of buildings that could be classified as "the projects". Well, not entirely alone. I had my dog, Molly, who was my company, friend, and a fur coat to cry on. Was this what I had chosen for myself? Leaving the comfy new dorm at Bryan surrounded by a sweet roommate that loved me dearly for the projects? I left all that for being scared to come home at midnight after closing the restaurant for fear of who would be lurking about my building?

In November, I realized I felt funny. I thought it was just a stomach flu I couldn't shake and the 5 pounds I had lost were due to my limited supply of food. Wrong. In an impulse decision, I made the trip to Walmart, purchased a pregnancy test, and took it. It only took about 5 seconds to show a "positive" result and it only took my hands another 5 seconds to find my stomach and begin loving the child within. Scared is an understatement here--as it is with most single mothers and "unplanned" pregnancies. I called my mom. Thank goodness for a mom who had walked in similar shoes, understood my fears, and loved me despite my situation.

I took 5 more tests. They were all positive. I began seeing a doctor in Oak Ridge. My best friend, Connie went with me to the first appointment. There in that dark tiny room, the ultra sound technician showed us the baby's heart beating. A white and black fluttering on the screen. And then...she turned the volume on and we heard it. I would never be the same again. A sense of reality soon flooded the doubts and feelings of unreality. Along with that comes worry, excitement, dread, and just plain uneasiness.

I ended up losing twenty pounds in the first trimester of the pregnancy and was advised by the doctors to move home. Gladly! I switched doctors--loved the new one--and waited out the rest of the pregnancy. I didn't tell the family until I was 20 weeks along and could hide it no more. Talk about scary. But guess what? They still loved me. And little did I know they would absolutely adore my child.

On June 18, 2009, Emily was born around 10:30. The doctors had put me on bed rest for the last month because I supposedly had IUGR (Intra-Uterine Growth Restriction) and the baby was super small. They induced me a week early because they thought that she could grow better on the outside. Wrong. She was 7 lbs 12 oz. Completely healthy, completely normal, and completely beautiful. An absolute miracle. That was the day it all changed for me.

Throughout the pregnancy, I had been chatting and habitually Facebooking this guy. He talked to me about my faith (or lack of), my doubts, and my past. He was an instrumental part of God's plan to bring me back around. His name is Jonathan. And he proposed 7 months later.

Emily's life changed my life. Emily's heart has changed mine. Her sweet life continues to touch people. Just a smile on her face can brighten an entire room. I'm so thankful for her life. And I am so thankful for my God, who gave me the courage to make the choice of life, even if I wasn't aware of his presence in the situation.



She continues to touch my heart, teach me so many new things, and love me unconditionally. She has the unbridled power to bring a smile to the most downtrodden face, whether it be my familiar face or that of a complete stranger. Her life is precious. The miracle of life never ceases to amaze me. And the faith that I have in the Creator of life continues to grow. The praise be Thine.

Giving at Christmas...Why?

I wrote this for another friend's blog, but I think it's fitting for mine as well...

It seems a common theme we hear every year at about this time—giving gifts at Christmas. It is a sweet tradition to buy gifts for our children and family members. The joy on their faces on Christmas morning makes the planning, saving, and wrapping completely worth it. This Christmas, I’ve been focusing on what I’m thankful for. My husband just finished his time in the Army and we have been experiencing the dreaded unemployment. The last couple of months, I have been half-jokingly saying that everyone can forget about getting gifts from us this year. Cards would have to do. Knowing that our income would be seriously limited, I decided to try to be thankful for what we do have rather than be bitter about what we could have. As I was reading in my daily Bible lesson today, the focus was on Psalm 136. The challenge: Add ten things to the list that I am thankful for because of God’s loving-kindness. Can you do that? I know we are challenged to things like this all the time, especially around Thanksgiving. However, I encourage you to truly spend some time with this one. Truly focus on God’s loving-kindness to you, his beloved, and meditate on this poem.

My God, I love Thee;

Not because I hope for Heaven thereby

Not yet because who love Thee not must die eternally.

Thou, O my Jesus, Thou didst me upon the cross embrace;

For me didst bear the nails, and spear, and manifold disgrace.

Why, then why, O blessed Jesus Christ,

Should I not love Thee well?

Not for the hope of winning heaven or of escaping hell;

Nor with the hope of gaining aught,

Not seeking a reward: But as Thyself hast loved me, O everloving Lord!

Even so I love Thee, and will love, and in Thy praise will sing;

Solely because Thou art my God, and my Eternal King.

-Frances Xavier

My one year-old and I were in Belk today. She has a fascination with Christmas trees and “wights!” so, we stopped at the tree by the door. I noticed that it wasn’t covered in ornaments, but rather with slips of paper that said “Be a Santa to a Senior”. I have always had a special place in my heart for senior citizens, so this struck deep within me. I was reading each card. They had the person’s name, age, and wish list. Fairly soon, I came across one for a sweet lady who is 89. Instead of a wish list, she had written that she would like “prayers”. That’s all. Just prayers. What wisdom, simplicity, and love are in that one expression of gratitude to Jesus Christ. We pray to our Maker, the Giver of life because He alone is God. He loves his creation so deeply—enough that he sent His son to save us so that we can spend eternity with Him.

Here’s the problem: a huge chunk of the world’s population are needy. They need the basics like socks, shoes, coats, food, shelter, and even water. Why do we restrict our giving to our equally-well-off family members? I could post picture after picture of starving kids in Africa, Haiti, the Philippines, and even the nooks and crannies of the Appalachian Mountains—right here next to us. I don’t feel that I need to because we’ve all seen them and know of what I speak. Perhaps we get desensitized by it all. Buying gifts for our family members is a beautiful thing, but buying gifts for less privileged strangers is a worthy cause and a self-sacrificial act. My prayer is that we as a Christian body would open our hearts back up to these needs and pour our resources into them as an act of worship and thankfulness to our great King. He loves the little children, all the children of the world.

Ideas Welcome

I welcome ideas on what to do with this space (the middle picture).

(Those towels aren't part of our normal decoration. The rain and wind was very strong today and we had a minor leak. Just saying.)

I am very happy with the little TV area as well as the back wall. However, the entire right wall (in this view) is bare. I want this room to be cozy and inviting, but it's just not right now. It is so huge! I'm asking for all you creative people out there to chime in!

Still here

Well, we are still here. Still living. Still loving. Still waiting--on several things. First and foremost, on a job. Currently (and less significantly) I'm waiting on my food and coffee to settle so I can do a work out. I have been totally enjoying these rainy days. The whole family has used them to get caught up on rest with extended naptime hours--my personal favorite.

About two weeks ago exactly, I got a phone call that grandpa was in the hospital with chest pains. We were on Signal when I got the message. We headed back to Athens and then Andrea and I went on up to Morristown. The doctors in the ER found that grandpa's cardiac enzyme tests were normal indicating that he did not have a heart attack. However, later in the afternoon (pretty much as soon as I got there) the nurses came in with his latest blood work and told us that he did indeed have a heart attack. They scheduled a heart cath for the following morning. It was so scary. We stayed with grandma that night and I slept in grandpa's spot--just like old times. The next morning, we rose early and headed to the hospital. As soon as the elevator doors slid open on the second floor of the heart and lung center, we saw grandpa flying by in his hospital bed. What perfect timing. Truly divine. Grandma got to hold his hand and tell him she loved him before his procedure. We found seats in the waiting room and tried to keep the mood semi-light with laughter as best we could. Dr. Rama appeared to show us a diagram of grandpa's heart and the results of the procedure. Good news: his heart muscle was found to be super strong and healthy. Bad news: his main artery was blocked over 90% and the other two were 40% and 50%. A stint was put in the main artery successfully. Grandpa had a rough day after that in that he had to lay still for around 9 hours. After that, his recovery was truly graceful. He was released from the hospital on Thursday--only two days after his arrival. I was amazed.

The night before grandpa would come home, J was sick. The following day, I was sick. The next day, grandma was sick. And the next day, mom had it. The following week, Andrea was down with similar symptoms. It bypassed grandpa, thank goodness but still wasn't fun for the rest of us. Gladly, it was only a 12-hour virus.

We are back home and everyone is on the mend. It is exciting for us to watch God work in our lives. Though we are both out of work, the bills are being paid and work here and there is being provided. We have also been led to a church that we are very excited about getting involved in. I am cherishing the time we have together at home and the lax schedule. The praise be to God.

It has been pressed upon my heart lately to tell "my story" of salvation. It is coming soon. After all, a personal story is more effective than a hundred sermons.

Thanks for reading, dear friends.

Amanda & Family

Refreshed

I woke up this morning demanding pancakes. We had everything but the syrup. So, what did we do? Decided to make a trip to the store and make a huge breakfast. I started the coffee pot before we left so that the smell would meet me at the door upon our arrival back home. I thought about this coffee all the way to the store. I was especially excited about it because last night, Connie brought me an early Christmas gift and it was a beautiful, heavy, red coffee mug--my new favorite. We got home and I started the bacon. Let me just say that the smell of bacon takes me back to my childhood. It reminds me of good things in the past like mornings at my dad's house and incredibly amazing breakfasts while overlooking the beauty of Douglas Lake. The pancakes were finished and eggs on the way when we decided to open up the windows. The smell of bacon mingling with the fresh breeze took me back to Saturday mornings at home with my mom. Fresh air and outdoor activities always remind me of her. Andrea came up to have breakfast with us. After all, I got carried away with cooking and cooked enough for 6 or 7 people. We love having Andrea so close to us. She comes up to visit at least once a day. Emily loves her Re-Re. It is so nice to be around family. Last weekend we had a wonderful time at nana and pop's house. Yesterday, we drove to Cosby to visit the apple orchard with grandpa, Uncle Phil, Aunt Ruth Ann, and sweet friend Norma. After that, we paid a visit to mom at work. Emily ran down the halls of her work shouting "nana! nana!" while she was in with a patient. I don't think mom minded the distraction one bit! I was meant to live like this: with family. I wasn't made for isolation, but for close and deep relationships--as were you.
I have adopted a new method of spending time with the Lord. Previously, I was reading a couple of different devotions with corresponding verses. Altogether, it took about 15 minutes. I was finding myself craving more. 15 minutes and a couple random verses didn't seem to be satisfying my need. I resorted to my bookshelf full of inspirational books. I found a "Daily Walk Bible" that I had adopted from Aunt Carolyn's previous collection. I am absolutely loving it. It allows me to read the Word in a continuous manner as well as giving me some insight to what i'm reading and how to apply it to my life. My new best friend is a nice little book called "A Commentary on the Entire Bible" by the wonderful professors from DTS. How did I not discover this sooner? I strongly encourage the study of the Word with a Bible in one hand and a good commentary in the other.
We are still praying and waiting on the Lord to provide employment. It is so exciting to see how he has provided for us so far. My, he is so good. We are settled, moved in, and loving our new environment. Emily is finally adjusted and sleeping through the night. She is also learning her boundaries --she finds a new one every day.
I have a 10-page research paper due by Monday that will finish up my third class. My transfer credits were finally applied and I am scheduled to graduate in early 2012. Until then, I'll keep chipping away at it.
We love you, dear friend.
The Schoaps

My King

I love you, Lord, and I live my voice to worship you. O, my soul, rejoice! Take joy, my King, in what you hear. Let it be a sweet sweet sound in your ear.

A New Lifestyle

Well, we are in Athens and settled--as far as moving goes anyways. We love our new home and our new town. I am especially enjoying having so much family close by. I get to see a sweet cousin of mine every single day and an aunt, uncle, and more cousins almost as much. I have debated on whether or not to make this public knowledge, but I'm going to give in. We are living above a funeral home in Athens. My aunt and uncle own it and have made the 3rd floor their home for 20 something years. It just happened to be that they were building a new house on their farm land and it would be ready for move in three weeks before we would need a place to live after departing from the Army. Coincidence? I think not. Our living situation was worked out solely by the hand of the Lord and to Him we give the glory. The best part about it is that we get to sing along to funeral music a few times a week! I'm always up for a good song. ;) The second best part is the view which is pictured above.

The weather has turned cool. I love the days when my skin feels cool fresh air and the direct light of the sun is all I have to warm me. It increases my appreciation for our heat source which is often taken for granted. We are still unemployed and seriously trusting God for a job opportunity before too long. What other choice do we have? Some applications have been turned in recently, so we are excited to see the outcome of that. Until all of that is made known to us, we are spending our days with each other. We play with Emily toys, cook, and clean...but mostly play. We just returned home from our getaway to the beach. We stayed at a beautiful hotel right on the beach on Amelia Island thanks to the urging of a dear friend. It was truly a wonderful place to stay and a charming little town. A week is a tad too long to leave my baby though. I'm glad to be back. Now, we are just having to re-learn that just because mommy leaves the room doesn't mean she is leaving for a week again. Patience... I would post pictures of the beach trip but silly me forgot the digital camera so what did we do? We bought a disposable one. Yep...have to go get it developed later. How ancient is that?

I have been a bit lazy lately in that J has been getting up early and getting Emily out of bed while I stay asleep. It is very different around here now that we are apart from the Army's schedule. Lately, though, I have found myself craving something....needing something. I've come to realize that I physically and mentally need time alone in the first hours of the day to hear from the Lord. It's not a new revelation to any of you, of course, because it is mentioned in the Bible several times. "I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word." Psalm 119:147 It refreshes me. It awakens me. It directs my focus and sets the tone for the day.

You know, I am amazed at how fickle I am. My emotions about the same constant thing can change in an instant. I read in the beloved "Jesus Calling" devotion book:

"The human mind cannot comprehend My constancy. Your emotions flicker and falter in the face of varying circustances, and you tend to project your fickle feelings onto Me. Thus you do not benefit fully from my unfailing love."

Then, the Bible told me that Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Might sound a bit cliche and too familiar to strike a new resonance in us but I choose to receive those words with a fresh annointing of God's promise. I don't want to miss out on his love for me for even a second. I feel that it is so easy for us to get caught up in religion, denominations, and doctrines today. Myself included of course. I pray that our focus could be the eternal one. I don't think being "part" of a religion or denomination will get us to the glory seat some day. I know that our victory will be in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ that changes us from the inside out. And that victory is not only eternal life, but first of all, an intimate relationship with Him on earth, and eternal life with Him in glory.

Blessings,

Amanda