Jesus Called Me This Morning

Trust me in the depths of your being.

It is there that I live in constant communion with you. When you feel flustered and frazzled on the outside (um...quite often), do not get upset with yourself. You are only human (Amanda), and the swirl of events going on all around you will sometimes (or all the time) feel overwhelming. Rather than scolding yourself for your humanness, remind yourself that I am both with you and within you. (Thank heavens).

I am with you at all times, encouraging and supportive rather than condemning. I know that deep within you, where I live, My peace is your continual experience (make it more so, Lord).

*Slow down your pace of living for a time. Quiet your mind in My presence.*

Then you will be able to hear Me bestowing the resurrection blessing: Peace be with you.

-Sarah Young, Jesus Calling (parentheses mine)


That whole slow down your pace of living line...boy, does that resonate. I find myself more irritated with Emily than ever lately because she is showing her individuality more and more. I think that there is a fine line (I'm still looking for it) between demanding her immediate obedience and understanding that there are lots of things going through that little mind of hers; she is discovering this big world and it can be and is confusing for her. She is very particular and methodical about how things are done. I need to understand that she doesn't think just like I do and she doesn't understand why it might not matter in the long run if she does or does not put that pretend skillet full of stickers (or eggs) in the kitchen cabinet very gently (and slooowly) on top of the stack of pots only to cause the entire stack to clank to the marble floor RIGHT before we have to leave the house to make it to an appointment barely on time. All the while Anderson has escaped to the bathroom to splash around in the toilet water, might I add.

There are things that are incredibly important to a three-year-old that adults will never understand because we've lost our sense of imagination and have allowed the "real" world to become superior to child-like wonder, play, and imagination. Would she or I benefit from me being obviously irritated and rushing over to throw the pots in the cupboard, grab her hand, and drag her out the door? When I do things like that, her spirit is crushed. She asks me, "Mommy, are you happy?" when I am obviously not.
 She knows.
 She's smart.

 I don't want to be a spirit crushing, madly demanding, irritable mother.

 Or would she and I benefit most from me remaining calm, slowing down our pace of life, helping her put the "eggs back on the stove", and asking if she will share her breakfast with me when we get home from our errand? That sounds much better.

 I want to be a mother that fosters her healthy independence, her incredible imaginary skills, and understands that she is a quirky three year old.

She needs that from me.
 I expect it of myself.
But, I need the grace from God to slow down.
I need Him to increase my eagerness to listen before I speak and seek to understand before I demand understanding. Even from a three-year-old.

Thank you, Jesus, for calling this morning.

Bedtime with Eloise

Emily and I are reading "Eloise" at bedtime. I've never read this book, but friends of ours gave it to us and said it was a "must" for childhood.  One of the pages tonight sounded JUST like Emily. Here's a snippet (I'll type it exactly as written--punctuation and all):

"I have two dolls which is enough
Their names are Sabine and Saylor
Sabine is a rag doll and she has absolutely no face at all
partially because she came from Jamaica by Air Express
Otherwise she has shoe-button eyes and two right legs
She is rawther unusual


Saylor is a very large doll and has a hard head and no arms
She was in the most terriblest accident and she bleeded so hard
she almost choked in the night and this ambulance came and took
her to this hospital and it was an emergency and they had to give
her all this terribly dark medicine and a lot of Band-aids and when
she came back home she was weak weak weak and had to take cod-liver
oil

I gave her a strawberry leaf from under my grapefruit for not
whimpering and Weenie licked her face
They have to have a teaspoon of water every hour or so, so you can
see they are an extremely lot of work"

I typed all that to give you a peek into what it's like around our house these days.

A 3 year old that constantly chatters. Constantly.

And a 1 year old who is into everything. Everything.

But they are so wonderful. Being a parent is so rewarding.

Happy Birthday Anderson

Today marks one year since this peculiar baby boy decided it was his time to see the earth. The memories of his birth are less than desirable. No first sweet moments together, no cuddling, no bonding, no nursing. Heck, I didn't even get to get a good look at the kid (besides his feet when he was in an incubator about to board a helicopter for a hospital an hour away from myself and my freshly severed abdomen). The next two weeks involved us temporarily moving into Jonathan's parents house to be closer to the hospital. And their bedroom nonetheless. We will always be grateful for their generosity to us in that time. It made the recovery more bearable. Anderson spent the next two weeks in the NICU--struggling along. It was tough. It was an emotional roller coaster. Wouldn't wish that on anyone. I'm already praying that the next baby (who is NCY, btw) is overdue rather than 6 weeks early.

Throughout Anderson's pregnancy and his first year, I've often thought about the baby that should have been. We conceived a baby in May of 2010. That baby went straight from my womb to the arms of Jesus at the end of June. Then, Anderson was created at the end of that same year. I can not imagine a more amazing little boy than my sweet Anderson. But there will always be a place in my heart and my mind for the baby that we won't meet until we get "over yonder".

So, today we celebrate Andy's life. He has more personality than any baby I've ever known. He is saying da da, ma ma, na na, and all sorts of fun sounds. He could have been walking two months ago, but he is too cautious to try it on his own. Funny, because he's not cautious to try anything else--emptying the cabinets, emptying the dishwasher, opening the fridge and throwing things onto the floor, climbing up the entertainment center, climbing in the washer, playing in the toilet. He is such a boy. In to EVERYTHING. But, he is so much fun. And he brings so much joy to us.

It is so fun to watch Emily and Anderson's relationship develop. They are playing together more now. In fact, last night I sat in the recliner for about 10 minutes just listening to their giggles in Emily's bedroom. She dumps out her box of shoes and tries them all on. Apparently it's pretty funny. Anderson will crawl back out into the hallway periodically to check on me and make sure I'm still in sight. He is absolutely a mommy's boy. Anyone who has been around us for long will testify to that. This is my first experience with attachment like that. Emily has been independent from the get go.  Sometimes the attachment with Anderson is trying (ok, a lot of times). But, that look he gives me when he hasn't seen me for a while and the hugs that immediately follow are almost more than this mama's heart can take.

Anderson never did take a bottle. He's been a master nurser. Thanks in part to that, I'm back to my old college sized self. However, I've been wondering how to wean him. I started praying about it a week ago. The night before last, he refused the breast and self-soothed to sleep (something he has never done). Yesterday, he refused the breast at both naptimes (yes, he still needs two naps) and refused it again at bedtime. I must add, he absolutely did not refuse to nurse during his two mid-night wakings. Of course those will be the last to go. I thought that I was ready for him to stop nursing, but now that he's doing it on his own, I'm not so sure. I know it's time and I know we've had a good run of it. Nursing my babies is one of the sweetest experiences I've had yet in life. I fully recommend nursing for a year. The benefits for mom and baby are absolutely immeasurable. We are reaping those benefits.


Anderson is a happy, healthy, filled-with-personality baby boy. Not to mention, he already eats us out of house and home. With both the heavenly Father and his daddy's leading, I can't' wait to see the man that he will grow into. For now, we are enjoying our day to day play times, meals together, snuggles, and learning experiences. 


I love you, sweet boy. 

*Note: NCY=not conceived yet*