Giving at Christmas...Why?

I wrote this for another friend's blog, but I think it's fitting for mine as well...

It seems a common theme we hear every year at about this time—giving gifts at Christmas. It is a sweet tradition to buy gifts for our children and family members. The joy on their faces on Christmas morning makes the planning, saving, and wrapping completely worth it. This Christmas, I’ve been focusing on what I’m thankful for. My husband just finished his time in the Army and we have been experiencing the dreaded unemployment. The last couple of months, I have been half-jokingly saying that everyone can forget about getting gifts from us this year. Cards would have to do. Knowing that our income would be seriously limited, I decided to try to be thankful for what we do have rather than be bitter about what we could have. As I was reading in my daily Bible lesson today, the focus was on Psalm 136. The challenge: Add ten things to the list that I am thankful for because of God’s loving-kindness. Can you do that? I know we are challenged to things like this all the time, especially around Thanksgiving. However, I encourage you to truly spend some time with this one. Truly focus on God’s loving-kindness to you, his beloved, and meditate on this poem.

My God, I love Thee;

Not because I hope for Heaven thereby

Not yet because who love Thee not must die eternally.

Thou, O my Jesus, Thou didst me upon the cross embrace;

For me didst bear the nails, and spear, and manifold disgrace.

Why, then why, O blessed Jesus Christ,

Should I not love Thee well?

Not for the hope of winning heaven or of escaping hell;

Nor with the hope of gaining aught,

Not seeking a reward: But as Thyself hast loved me, O everloving Lord!

Even so I love Thee, and will love, and in Thy praise will sing;

Solely because Thou art my God, and my Eternal King.

-Frances Xavier

My one year-old and I were in Belk today. She has a fascination with Christmas trees and “wights!” so, we stopped at the tree by the door. I noticed that it wasn’t covered in ornaments, but rather with slips of paper that said “Be a Santa to a Senior”. I have always had a special place in my heart for senior citizens, so this struck deep within me. I was reading each card. They had the person’s name, age, and wish list. Fairly soon, I came across one for a sweet lady who is 89. Instead of a wish list, she had written that she would like “prayers”. That’s all. Just prayers. What wisdom, simplicity, and love are in that one expression of gratitude to Jesus Christ. We pray to our Maker, the Giver of life because He alone is God. He loves his creation so deeply—enough that he sent His son to save us so that we can spend eternity with Him.

Here’s the problem: a huge chunk of the world’s population are needy. They need the basics like socks, shoes, coats, food, shelter, and even water. Why do we restrict our giving to our equally-well-off family members? I could post picture after picture of starving kids in Africa, Haiti, the Philippines, and even the nooks and crannies of the Appalachian Mountains—right here next to us. I don’t feel that I need to because we’ve all seen them and know of what I speak. Perhaps we get desensitized by it all. Buying gifts for our family members is a beautiful thing, but buying gifts for less privileged strangers is a worthy cause and a self-sacrificial act. My prayer is that we as a Christian body would open our hearts back up to these needs and pour our resources into them as an act of worship and thankfulness to our great King. He loves the little children, all the children of the world.

Ideas Welcome

I welcome ideas on what to do with this space (the middle picture).

(Those towels aren't part of our normal decoration. The rain and wind was very strong today and we had a minor leak. Just saying.)

I am very happy with the little TV area as well as the back wall. However, the entire right wall (in this view) is bare. I want this room to be cozy and inviting, but it's just not right now. It is so huge! I'm asking for all you creative people out there to chime in!

Still here

Well, we are still here. Still living. Still loving. Still waiting--on several things. First and foremost, on a job. Currently (and less significantly) I'm waiting on my food and coffee to settle so I can do a work out. I have been totally enjoying these rainy days. The whole family has used them to get caught up on rest with extended naptime hours--my personal favorite.

About two weeks ago exactly, I got a phone call that grandpa was in the hospital with chest pains. We were on Signal when I got the message. We headed back to Athens and then Andrea and I went on up to Morristown. The doctors in the ER found that grandpa's cardiac enzyme tests were normal indicating that he did not have a heart attack. However, later in the afternoon (pretty much as soon as I got there) the nurses came in with his latest blood work and told us that he did indeed have a heart attack. They scheduled a heart cath for the following morning. It was so scary. We stayed with grandma that night and I slept in grandpa's spot--just like old times. The next morning, we rose early and headed to the hospital. As soon as the elevator doors slid open on the second floor of the heart and lung center, we saw grandpa flying by in his hospital bed. What perfect timing. Truly divine. Grandma got to hold his hand and tell him she loved him before his procedure. We found seats in the waiting room and tried to keep the mood semi-light with laughter as best we could. Dr. Rama appeared to show us a diagram of grandpa's heart and the results of the procedure. Good news: his heart muscle was found to be super strong and healthy. Bad news: his main artery was blocked over 90% and the other two were 40% and 50%. A stint was put in the main artery successfully. Grandpa had a rough day after that in that he had to lay still for around 9 hours. After that, his recovery was truly graceful. He was released from the hospital on Thursday--only two days after his arrival. I was amazed.

The night before grandpa would come home, J was sick. The following day, I was sick. The next day, grandma was sick. And the next day, mom had it. The following week, Andrea was down with similar symptoms. It bypassed grandpa, thank goodness but still wasn't fun for the rest of us. Gladly, it was only a 12-hour virus.

We are back home and everyone is on the mend. It is exciting for us to watch God work in our lives. Though we are both out of work, the bills are being paid and work here and there is being provided. We have also been led to a church that we are very excited about getting involved in. I am cherishing the time we have together at home and the lax schedule. The praise be to God.

It has been pressed upon my heart lately to tell "my story" of salvation. It is coming soon. After all, a personal story is more effective than a hundred sermons.

Thanks for reading, dear friends.

Amanda & Family

Refreshed

I woke up this morning demanding pancakes. We had everything but the syrup. So, what did we do? Decided to make a trip to the store and make a huge breakfast. I started the coffee pot before we left so that the smell would meet me at the door upon our arrival back home. I thought about this coffee all the way to the store. I was especially excited about it because last night, Connie brought me an early Christmas gift and it was a beautiful, heavy, red coffee mug--my new favorite. We got home and I started the bacon. Let me just say that the smell of bacon takes me back to my childhood. It reminds me of good things in the past like mornings at my dad's house and incredibly amazing breakfasts while overlooking the beauty of Douglas Lake. The pancakes were finished and eggs on the way when we decided to open up the windows. The smell of bacon mingling with the fresh breeze took me back to Saturday mornings at home with my mom. Fresh air and outdoor activities always remind me of her. Andrea came up to have breakfast with us. After all, I got carried away with cooking and cooked enough for 6 or 7 people. We love having Andrea so close to us. She comes up to visit at least once a day. Emily loves her Re-Re. It is so nice to be around family. Last weekend we had a wonderful time at nana and pop's house. Yesterday, we drove to Cosby to visit the apple orchard with grandpa, Uncle Phil, Aunt Ruth Ann, and sweet friend Norma. After that, we paid a visit to mom at work. Emily ran down the halls of her work shouting "nana! nana!" while she was in with a patient. I don't think mom minded the distraction one bit! I was meant to live like this: with family. I wasn't made for isolation, but for close and deep relationships--as were you.
I have adopted a new method of spending time with the Lord. Previously, I was reading a couple of different devotions with corresponding verses. Altogether, it took about 15 minutes. I was finding myself craving more. 15 minutes and a couple random verses didn't seem to be satisfying my need. I resorted to my bookshelf full of inspirational books. I found a "Daily Walk Bible" that I had adopted from Aunt Carolyn's previous collection. I am absolutely loving it. It allows me to read the Word in a continuous manner as well as giving me some insight to what i'm reading and how to apply it to my life. My new best friend is a nice little book called "A Commentary on the Entire Bible" by the wonderful professors from DTS. How did I not discover this sooner? I strongly encourage the study of the Word with a Bible in one hand and a good commentary in the other.
We are still praying and waiting on the Lord to provide employment. It is so exciting to see how he has provided for us so far. My, he is so good. We are settled, moved in, and loving our new environment. Emily is finally adjusted and sleeping through the night. She is also learning her boundaries --she finds a new one every day.
I have a 10-page research paper due by Monday that will finish up my third class. My transfer credits were finally applied and I am scheduled to graduate in early 2012. Until then, I'll keep chipping away at it.
We love you, dear friend.
The Schoaps

My King

I love you, Lord, and I live my voice to worship you. O, my soul, rejoice! Take joy, my King, in what you hear. Let it be a sweet sweet sound in your ear.

A New Lifestyle

Well, we are in Athens and settled--as far as moving goes anyways. We love our new home and our new town. I am especially enjoying having so much family close by. I get to see a sweet cousin of mine every single day and an aunt, uncle, and more cousins almost as much. I have debated on whether or not to make this public knowledge, but I'm going to give in. We are living above a funeral home in Athens. My aunt and uncle own it and have made the 3rd floor their home for 20 something years. It just happened to be that they were building a new house on their farm land and it would be ready for move in three weeks before we would need a place to live after departing from the Army. Coincidence? I think not. Our living situation was worked out solely by the hand of the Lord and to Him we give the glory. The best part about it is that we get to sing along to funeral music a few times a week! I'm always up for a good song. ;) The second best part is the view which is pictured above.

The weather has turned cool. I love the days when my skin feels cool fresh air and the direct light of the sun is all I have to warm me. It increases my appreciation for our heat source which is often taken for granted. We are still unemployed and seriously trusting God for a job opportunity before too long. What other choice do we have? Some applications have been turned in recently, so we are excited to see the outcome of that. Until all of that is made known to us, we are spending our days with each other. We play with Emily toys, cook, and clean...but mostly play. We just returned home from our getaway to the beach. We stayed at a beautiful hotel right on the beach on Amelia Island thanks to the urging of a dear friend. It was truly a wonderful place to stay and a charming little town. A week is a tad too long to leave my baby though. I'm glad to be back. Now, we are just having to re-learn that just because mommy leaves the room doesn't mean she is leaving for a week again. Patience... I would post pictures of the beach trip but silly me forgot the digital camera so what did we do? We bought a disposable one. Yep...have to go get it developed later. How ancient is that?

I have been a bit lazy lately in that J has been getting up early and getting Emily out of bed while I stay asleep. It is very different around here now that we are apart from the Army's schedule. Lately, though, I have found myself craving something....needing something. I've come to realize that I physically and mentally need time alone in the first hours of the day to hear from the Lord. It's not a new revelation to any of you, of course, because it is mentioned in the Bible several times. "I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word." Psalm 119:147 It refreshes me. It awakens me. It directs my focus and sets the tone for the day.

You know, I am amazed at how fickle I am. My emotions about the same constant thing can change in an instant. I read in the beloved "Jesus Calling" devotion book:

"The human mind cannot comprehend My constancy. Your emotions flicker and falter in the face of varying circustances, and you tend to project your fickle feelings onto Me. Thus you do not benefit fully from my unfailing love."

Then, the Bible told me that Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Might sound a bit cliche and too familiar to strike a new resonance in us but I choose to receive those words with a fresh annointing of God's promise. I don't want to miss out on his love for me for even a second. I feel that it is so easy for us to get caught up in religion, denominations, and doctrines today. Myself included of course. I pray that our focus could be the eternal one. I don't think being "part" of a religion or denomination will get us to the glory seat some day. I know that our victory will be in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ that changes us from the inside out. And that victory is not only eternal life, but first of all, an intimate relationship with Him on earth, and eternal life with Him in glory.

Blessings,

Amanda

Home Sweet Home

I must apologize for leaving my blog unattended indefinitely. Furthermore, for leaving on such a sour note as was my previous entry. On very short notice, the decision was made for Emily and I to come home early. It was due to, once again, the Army's stupidity. But this time, it had a positive outcome for the two of us. Not so much for J. The good news is that the time is finally here. As of Tuesday, Jonathan will no longer be an active duty soldier in the US Army. And as of Wednesday, our residence will no longer be in Killeen, TX. Praise the Lord for that. Connie is with us this weekend and tomorrow we will spend our Labor Day preparing our new home for the movers to come. For the remainder of the week, we will spend our days in Chattanooga with more sweet family and friends awaiting J's return.

The end of my second class is rapidly approaching and it is harder than ever to avoid regressing to my dreaded procrastination habit. I'm a work in progress.

This is just a short post to get the bad taste out of our mouths from my last raging entry and from the Army as a whole. We are now allowed to move on with life and live as we please without the restraining rules and regulations of the Army.

It truly is good to be home.

Sick and Twisted

I have a real problem with people who make promises that they cannot keep. What's even more, is when someone makes a promise they could keep but decide not to.

I also have a real problem with a person who pretends to care about the needs of the family unit. These kinds of people pretend to be concerned with what families need to operate to the general public, but when it comes down to it, their true colors of apathy come out.

I can't stand laziness. I can't stand when someone is punished for someone else's laziness.

I can't stand the rank system. It is so incredibly abused and an absolute tragedy.

Above all, I just can't tolerate when onlookers see this happening to someone and do nothing about it. They find joy in others' suffering. In what culture is that ethically okay? Seems like I remember learning in school that it's not normal to find pleasure in watching someone else suffer. The words "sick and twisted" seem fitting.

Wait...something is coming to mind. Seems like I have heard of something that possesses all of these embarassing shortcomings.

There it is. It's not just a person--it's the U.S. Army! The most inefficient and poorly communicating organization I have ever come in contact with.

Oh goodness me. How did I forget? Of course the Army is this way. The government runs it!

Final Days

I have exciting news to report. My best friend Connie is flying into Dallas on Saturday. We are so grateful for Connie's willingness to pick up and fly to Texas with four days notice. We will be leaving Sunday morning to head back to Tennessee. I am not excited about driving that far with Emily, but I am much more optimistic knowing that i'll have the help of CoCo--as she is affectionately called by children under the age of 5. We are very excited to come home so soon, but of course we will miss Jonathan immensely. We are already looking forward to the day when J pulls into the driveway and stays in Tennessee with us for good. After a year deployment, two weeks of separation doesn't seem so bad.

The Army continues to be frustrating and continues to make departing from it harder than ever. Per the Army's rule, J is supposed to have fourteen days to clear. He is supposed to have fourteen days to go to individual buildings on post and get everything squared away for his honorable separation. However, he seems to be having a hard time getting the time to which he is entitled. He was informed a few days ago that he would be doing an all week range. He would be gone from Tuesday -Friday with one break on Thursday where he could come home. He would be sleeping out in a shack and obviously not being able to clear. What is even more, the guys he works with found it funny that he would have to do this. They displayed actual glee that Jonathan would be forced to do this. They know how miserable he is. They know how much he hates the Army. What disrespect. What immaturity. What selfishness. It only adds to his desire and drive to get out of this place as soon as possible. We often dream of what it must be like to work with people who care about you, who you can actually communicate with, and people who want the best for you and want to see you happy. Wow. That's almost unimaginable. Not to say that every single person he works with is like this, because there are a few gracious exceptions. And, truthfully, I could never know exactly the situation because I don't go to work with him. All I see is his dejected, put-off, discouraged attitude when he gets home from work. But, I'll have you know, we are not defeated. We are the winners no matter how we are treated. That may sound similar to something your mother told you in fifth grade when the class bully was picking on you. If it does, then your mother imparted wisdom to you. It's true--we win. And this is why:

"I continually call you to closeness with Me. I know the depth and breadth of your need for Me. I can read the emptiness of your thoughts when they wander away from Me. I offer rest for your soul, as well as refreshment for your mind and body. As you increasingly find fulfillment in Me, other pleasures become less important. Knowing Me intimately is like having a private wellspring of joy within you. This spring flows freely from My throne of grace, so your Joy is independent of circumstances."

-Our morning devotion today--"Jesus Calling"

"Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him;

Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,

Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes."

Psalm 37:7

I could type the entire chapter of Psalm 37, but i'll let you read it on your own if you wish.

This is what we put our trust in. The Lord will reward the righteous. That is what J is striving to be. Might I just use this opportunity to express my gratitude for a husband who is Godly, mature, wise, and so loving--even when I (and other people) don't deserve it. I am so grateful that we are paired together. That we are married to each other who have the same worldviews, values, and beliefs. We are equally yoked. To God be the glory, great things He hath done.

We are praying for patience and contentment. That's easy for me to say because I'm going home in three days.

I must get back to diligently watching for the UPS truck to deliver my guitar. Today is the day.

I'll leave you with another verse we read from "The Love Dare":

"We love, because He first loved us. If someone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also."

1 John 4:19-21

I personally would be interested to see the original text for these verses, but that is just my analytical and curious personality coming out. I think this verse sums up how we should act in situations like ours. Seems pretty clear.

Whom I Have Believed

Well, Jonathan got accepted into the police academy. Great news, right? It would be if the Army hadn't moved our date. He leaves Killeen the day of mandatory orientation so he has to wait until the next class. We have yet to find out for sure when that next class will be held. All we can seem to say about this situation is "God has a reason for this". That's all we know.

I had planned to write an extremely lengthy blog about my perception of the growing epidemic of lukewarm Christians in the church today. I was also going to discuss what I have seen, what I have been, why I believe it is sin, and how to avoid being lukewarm or, frankly, cold. I have actually seen a "cold" Christian. It's hard to believe, I know. Please don't think I am speaking as if I am higher than anyone or have it all figured out. There is no blame here. Let's keep it that way. I don't pretend to know it all in my own mind, and I surely don't profess to on my blog. A blog, however, is simply a place (that happens to be public) that I can express my thoughts and my readers can take them or leave them.

Instead of focusing my energies on this proposed blog, I have decided to obey what I believe is God clearly speaking to me. After putting so much thought into this could-be-blog last night and this morning, I opened my devotion to read to Jonathan during our normal time and this is part of what I read...

"Expect to encounter adversity in your life, remembering that you live in a deeply fallen world. [. . .] When you became a Christian, I infused My very Life into you, empowering you to live on a supernatural plane by depending on Me. [. . .] Anticipate coming face to face with impossibilities: situations totally beyond your ability to handle. This awareness of your inadequacy is not something you should try to evade. It is precisely where I want you--the best place to encounter Me in My glory and power. [. . .] Allow Me to fight for you. Watch Me working on your behalf, as you rest in the shadow of My Almighty Presence."

There's my answer. I choose to obey and allow the Lord to shine through my silence on the very situations that have brought these issues to my attention as of late. He can fight for me. His armies of heavenly angels can do far more than my meager words. He is so capable. He is so worthy of my confidence. My weapon against the foe is prayer. Friend, please don't underestimate the power of holy intercession. I believe in the power of prayer because I've witnessed it. I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able.

The WHY

Well, the most exciting things happening around here are the following:
I had an awesome workout today.
I made my first homemade loaf of bread last night...honey wheat. Yum.
I made my first batch of chicken salad today and it was also yum.

Em is takin a nap. I think i'll shower and actually fix my hair. I do that about twice a month when I get in the mood. It's rare. Not the shower part...just the fixing hair part. Ha. I shower more than twice a month, no worries.

J starts his first class today and I start my second. It will be such a good feeling to both have our degrees.

I've been praying about a mission trip to the Philippines and the desire in my heart keeps growing and growing. If the road is paved or even graveled (is that a word?) I'll walk it. That would mean fundraising. Lots of fundraising. Also...I would be seeking prayer support. One of my purposes on this trip would be to lead some worship time with music. I've been informed that some of the kids in the Wesley Home for Youth or WHY (where we'd be staying) would love to learn some worship songs on guitar to play after we leave. Wow. What an opportunity that would be. So, to better prepare, we found a cheapo guitar on Ebay and ordered it. It will be here Thursday and I can start learning and brushing up on what I already know (which isn't much). If you would, please read some more information about the group that is in charge of all of this and you can also read or follow a dear friend's blog that will introduce you to the children at the WHY. Here are the sites respectively:

The Rescue Ministries:
www.therescueministries.org

WHY blog:
www.offerthemchrist.blogspot.com

Smart Army

So, just to update everyone and make this abundantly clear, the Army is forcing us to stay in Killeen for 5 extra days. We had previously set up the move date, plans for Labor Day weekend when we got home to TN, notified our landlord, and applied for the police academy based on this date that the Army had given us many months ago and has been printed on J's LES's ever since. When he turned in the paperwork for his terminal leave to be approved, it got through several ranks of people then stopped. Someone really high up looked at it and said "60 days of leave? I don't think so". Turns out, someone had conveniently forgotten to subtract all of the days of leave that were taken from February leave. Not just Jonathan--but other people as well. So, they decided now is a good time to deduct that leave. And we can't leave 'til September 8th. And we have to change all the paperwork for the movers to come later, and we have to hope that our landlord will let us stay 8 extra days, and we have to cancel our Labor Day plans and spend another holiday here, and if J gets accepted into the PA, he won't be able to go because he'll be in lovely Killeen during the mandatory evaluation.(pardon my grammar and and's--i'm ranting here) Guess when the next PA class is? Next fall. Great. Best part of it all: The five extra days J is being forced to stay here to "work"...well,there's a large possibility that Friday-Monday, he will be off for a 4-day holiday weekend. Tuesday he goes to his final brief then straight home for the movers to come, and Wednesday we leave. Hmm...sounds like they really need him to stay and work. Thanks a heap smart Army.


I might add that although this post has been full of complaining and ranting, we are staying positive in our house by clinging to the fact that the Lord has this in His sweet control. We know there'a reason for this, although logically it is impossible to figure out that reason. We just have to trust Him. We are praising Him that we still have less than a month. It could be worse...much worse.

Wonderfully Deserved Glory

I am refusing to post a countdown because I am afraid I may be learning the hard way that nothing is ever certain in the Army. Nothing's definite yet...no freak-outs allowed (tell that to my brain). This issue to be continued in the near future.

In other news, I'm afraid my sweet girl is getting sick. She sounds a bit raspy and is quite the fuss box as of late.

I am two grades away from finishing my first class. So far, I have a 98.5. Here's to hoping the prof rounds up!

I'm finishing up Billy Graham's "Angels" book. I have thoroughly enjoyed it. It is extremely informative concerning a topic on which I have had limited instruction. I especially enjoy reading Bible stories in Billy's words and reading the same stories from the great book itself.

On a surprising note, I watched Glen Beck today and actually enjoyed it. Nobody pass out! It was his opinion on the issue of what is possibly being built near ground zero. I find that he is much more enjoyable when I don't watch his program with a defensive attitude. That, however, is tough because a defensive attitude is one of my specialties. I'm a work in progress.

I think about our sweet baby Bailey often. I think of how much I love (her) and what a wonderful big sister Emily would have been. I imagine how I would be growing and changing and teaching Emily about precious Bailey. I wish I could know this baby. But I never will. Not in this life anyway. As I learned from a dear friend, my Bailey is pure forever. (She) never sinned and never felt the pain of heartache. She went straight from my womb to the arms of our Father. I also happen to believe that she is getting to know some very special people there. I miss her, but I believe that she is happy and okay. I am beginning to craft a letter to her that I will let Emily read someday. Although people may be pretending it didn't happen, avoiding the subject altogether, or just have honestly forgotten...I haven't and I never will. There are reminders everywhere--some painful and some sweet. Two special verses come to mind. They are both commonly used and very familiar to most of us. I invite you to read these carefully and allow the spirit of the Lord to fall fresh upon you through His familiar word.

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want;
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters;
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for His name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil;
for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life;
and I shall dwell in the house of the
Lord forever.
Psalm 23

And finally:

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me,
Because the LORD has anointed me
To bring good news to the afflicted;
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to captives
And freedom to prisoners;

To proclaim the favorable year of the LORD
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,

To grant those who mourn in Zion,
Giving them a garland instead of ashes,
The oil of gladness instead of mourning,
The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting.
So they will be called oaks of righteousness,
The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.
-Isaiah 61:1-3

It's all about Him. I pray that we may be oaks of righteousness planted by the Lord so that we may bring Him alone wonderfully deserved glory.

It's about time I blogged again.
We are in the home-stretch of Jonathan's Army career. We have 32 more sleeps here and on the 33rd sleep, we will find ourselves resting our heads in wonderful Morristown. We will have two months of nothing but us-time and boy am I looking forward to that! It seems as though living halfway across the country would allow for alone time all the time. Not true. We are looking forward to spending some good time together and also with our families. I can't wait to hug my mother's neck and hand her the baby she's been missing so much.
I'm getting close to the end of my first class. I have enjoyed it so far. Some days, I have to do an attitude check and remind myself that school is a good thing and it can be enjoyable. I'm so used to thinking of school as something I HAVE to do and not pleasurable in the least bit. But, I must remember that it keeps me busy here and keeps part of my mind occupied. The other part of my mind has been incredibly busy lately as well. I've been pondering such things as how we receive salvation, a relationship with the Lord and what that means, and how I can better practice living like Christ.(That would take me another three or four long blogs to just briefly discuss though)Frankly, I do a horrible job at living like Christ most of the time. The good news is, that I'm redeemed by love divine and glory, glory! Christ IS mine.
As I continue through the years and experience more and more, my heart is becoming passionate for many different areas. I am witnessing an aunt, uncle, and their three beautiful children gracefully go through the process of fundraising and adopting from Africa. I'm absolutely touched and inspired. Jonathan and I have talked about adoption since we were just dating from America to Iraq. But, witnessing this makes it more real to us and causes us to really think and pray about what the Lord would have us do with this passion.
Another passion that I have developed is for mother's who have experienced babyloss. As most of you know, Jonathan and I lost a baby in June. It's name would have been Bailey. I know too many women who have experienced miscarriage or have birthed a stillborn baby. I know the grief that comes with losing a precious life. It is certainly not fun to endure, but the Lord is so gracious to me. In my hour of despair, he comforts me. There are deep places on this road of grieving--places I never knew could be so dark. Along with the passion for mothers who have experienced this pain, comes the passion from deep within my heart to stand for life. I'll go ahead and say it: I don't believe in "pro-choice". I've been pregnant two times and experienced some feelings that most probably don't in pregnancy given my situation the first time around. But the precious life that is conceived in the womb is a gift straight from the Father's heart to ours. And for those of you who think that miscarriage is nothing to grieve over or that the baby wasn't alive or whatever other ignorant argument you may fabricate, you are sadly mistaken. Babyloss moms, Jesus knows our babies and he gave them to us even if it was for just a short time. He wants us to lean on him for comfort, support, healing, and ultimately our whole lives. There are times when it seems impossible to recover. It feels like everyone has forgotten about the baby or are just pretending it didn't happen. Most of the time, it seems that the topic is risky to talk about for fear of offending the woman or bringing up repressed feelings of sadness. Maybe people just don't know how to talk about it. Either way, it's easy to feel alone and drowing in pain. But there's good news! He will never leave us. He is with us when our hearts feel like they are about to just ache right out of our chests. You, dear mother, are engraved on the palms of His hands--the King of the entire universe loves YOU beyond any comprehension. My prayer is that we could find rest in that promise and peace in the Giver of life. He is only capable of good. God does not love as a verb, He IS love. It is who He is and His principle character trait.
"The love of God is greater far. Than tongue or pen could ever tell."
-Frederick M. Lehman

A Woman's Destiny

I believe that this is a woman's destiny:

"The King's daughter is all glorious within;
Her clothing is interwoven with gold.
She will be led to the King in embroidered work;
The virgins, her companions, who follow her,
Will be brought to Thee.
They will be led forth with gladness and rejoicing;
The will enter into the King's palace."
Psalm 45:13-15

My heart hurts for all of the women in the world who allow their own self-concepts to be anything less than what this verse describes. I used to be one of them. I'm speaking from all to familiar feelings and thoughts. My prayer is that as the gospel spreads among women, that they would realize when they accept Jesus and decide to live for Him, they become daughters of the King. They become royalty.

My prayer for each of us is that we would desire what this verse says:

"But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
And in His law he meditates day and night.
And he will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water,
Which yields its fruit in season,
And its leaf does not wither;
And in whatever he does, he prospers."
Psalm 1:2-3

Thoughts for Today

Another devotion from Sarah Young's "Jesus Calling":

Bring me all your feelings, even the ones you wish you didn't have. Fear and anxiety plague you. Feelings per se are not sinful, but they can be temptations to sin. Blazing missiles of fear fly at you day and night; these attacks from the evil one come at you relentlessly. Use your shield of faith to extinguish those flaming arrows. Affirm your trust in me, regardless of how you feel. If you presist, your feelings will eventually fall in line with your faith.

Do not hide your fear or pretend it isn't there. Anxiety that you hide in the recesses of your heart will give birth to fear of rear; a monstrous stepchild. Bring your anxieties out into the light of my presence, where we can deal with them together. Concentrate on trusting me, and fearfulness will gradually lose its foothold within you.

From another "day":


Ask me to open your eyes so that you can find me everywhere. The more aware you are of my presence, the safer you feel. This is not some sort of escape from reality; it is tuning in to ultimate reality. Faith is the confirmation of things we do not see and the conviction of their reality, perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses.


Acts 17:27-28; Hebrews 11:1; Ephesians 6:16; 1 John 1:5-7; Isaiah 12:2

Waiting

Em and I are awaiting the text that says "Ok, you can start". Jonathan has a 24 hour 9 to 9 guard shift at work. A friend of his has it with him so that is good. I just hate that he has to sit up all night in such a dark and dreary place. He will be texting me soon to say I can start dinner. I am going to cook the boys some teriyaki chicken, rice, green beans, and corn for dinner. Maybe that will help them through the next 15 hours.
Emily has been so sweet today. We woke up and played, then took daddy lunch from Taco Bell. We came back home and both took 2 hr naps. That was nice. When we woke up, we made a Starbucks run. That was nice too. Since we've been home, we have had our normal weeknight tv shows on in the background while we do laundry, dishes, and pick up toys. House is clean now...just waiting for the dinner cue.
After we take the boys dinner and get the sweet baby to bed, I have big plans. Haha..that was funny. I'm going to highlight my own hair and do some homework. I have already read the material for the week that starts tomorrow so hopefully I can get even more ahead.
We got Emily a "cushy tushy" seat that transforms the adult potty to an Emily-friendly potty. She has been on it twice today. Don't get me wrong, I dont expect to have her potty trained right away. She just is so observant and it can't hurt to get her used to it. She looks like SUCH a big kid when she is sitting on the potty. It blows my mind. Boiled squash is her favorite food. She absolutely loves it! She has such an amazing appetite. I'm thankful for that.
I am also amazed and so grateful that she hasn't had any reaction to the four shots she got last Friday. No sleepless nights, no rash, no fever. Nothing! Praise the Lord, he answered our prayers.
Oh! There's my text. Must get dinner on. Love you all.

I finished my first week of school four days early. Boy, that's not normally like me. I am the girl who made it through high school doing my homework the day of or the class before. Procrastination was the way I functioned best--under pressure. Since being married and having a baby, I have gladly changed my ways. I have decided to keep working even after I have finished and only reserve Sundays for rest. I'm so ready to be finished. Patience...
We joined a gym yesterday with child care. On the cardio machines, they have tv monitors at just the right level. Get this: channel 90 is the playroom channel. You can watch your kids on the tv monitor while you work out. I love it. Although, Emily was not so excited about being in a new place at dinner time yesterday and it made me a little anxious to watch her struggle. But we both made it!
Emily's shots went fine yesterday. She weighs 19 pounds now. :) Such a big girl. It was miserable to hold her little hands while they pricked her four times but we made it. She forgot all about it when they gave her a bubble gum sucker. Normally after her shots, she has several subsequent sleepless nights and severe fussiness. It's 9:03 in the morning and she is still asleep. She slept all night. We are so thankful. We are hoping she has grown out of her sleepless nights reaction.
We are headed to the gym when she wakes up.

A Devotion

I thought i'd share today's devotion with you. It was an awesome encouragement to me.

From the book "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young:

Keep walking with Me along the path I have chosen for you. Your desire to live close to Me is a delight to My heart. I could instantly grant you the spiritual riches you desire, but that is not My way for you. Together we will forge a pathway up the high mountain. The journey is arduous at times, and you are weak. Someday you will dance lightfooted on the high peaks; but for now, your walk is often plodding and heavy. All I require of you is to take the next step, clinging to My hand for strength and direction. Though the path is difficult and the scenery dull at the moment, there are sparkling surprises just around the bend. Stay on the path I have selected for you. It is truly the path of Life.

Psalm 16:11

Thou wilt make known to me the path of life;
In Thy presence is fulness of joy;
In Thy right hand there are pleasure forever.

I've done life two ways; one: never being satisfied and always seeking more, doing everything in my power to change the situation i'm in just because it might not be what I had in mind and two: being grateful for what I have and praying for satisfaction in life no matter where I am. Personally, I find that I am much happier being content with whatever circumstances I may find myself in and being grateful for what I have been so graciously blessed with. This devotion encourages me to keep on. Keep walking the path because I'm right where God wants me and He is right here with me every step of the way. He can do anything with any of us in any season of life. Be encouraged, friend! He loves you so much.

Two Things

Two things to share with you tonight:

For dinner we had chicken. Not just any chicken. You've got to try this. So easy.
Four chicken breasts. Bbq sauce. Sliced pepperjack cheese.

Cut slits in chicken and insert cheese. Cover in bbq sauce. Grill. Baste with bbq often.

Enjoy.

SO amazing.

2nd....You've just got to watch this video. Jonathan and I were so moved by it. Thanks to Aunt Kim for posting a link to it.

Go to this website:
www.drawnfromwaterstore.blogspot.com

The video "It started with Bale" is at the very bottom of the page.

I have no words after watching that video...it speaks for itself. Be vulnerable. Be moved. Be inspired.

Updates

After praying, several pro/con lists, lots of emails, and talking with Jonathan, we've decided that Ashford University is the place i'll finish my undergraduate degree. We've also decided that the best fit for me is either to study psychology or early childhood education. Either one will allow me to continue on and get licensed to teach or puruse(or pursue) a master's degree in education. Praise the Lord for this decision. It hasn't been easy but we are confident that this is the right path. I have a bad habit of analyzing absolutely everything and second guessing myself to death, but lucky for me, I have a confident husband. God knew what he was doing when he paired the two of us up. Jonathan is very secure and sure about this decision so I have the pleasure of resting in his confidence when my insecure tendencies kick in. Praise the Lord again. Teamwork is the best.
This morning, i've had my coffee and His Word. I'm about to wake the sweet baby and head on to Ft. Hood. Our mission: get Emily signed up for daycare at the gym so mommy can work out whenever she wants to. We attempted this mission on Tuesday but we failed so here we go again. A friend wants me to go to a "zumba" work out class on Saturday with her. I looked it up on youtube and oh my word...I can't move like that. She agrees that neither can she so at least we'll get a good laugh out of it! I hear that's a good workout anyways.
Leave is almost over for the military guys in J's unit and we've stuck it out here in lonely Killeen. We are proud for that. It means we get to go home two weeks earlier. We have less than two months to go! That's no time! We feel anxious, excited, scared, and relieved. We find ourselves talking alot about how it's going to feel to drive out of this town for the very last time and not have any obligation to Ft. Hood again. Wow. Jonathan has done this for over four years now...I'm just pushing five months. :) I don't have much room to complain. I will be very very happy for him on that final day.
Your prayers are much appreciated for the unsure nature of our near future. We love you.

New Development!

Hello everyone. Today is the start of our wonderful 4-day weekend. It's raining today for the fourth day in a row and I LOVE it. Rain seems to be a rare event here in Texas so I'm loving the under 90 degree weather and moist air. Jonathan mailed in an application to the police department on Signal Mountain today. We prayed over it and sent it off! We know that the Lord is looking out for us and already knows the outcome of the application. If this isn't the job, then we will keep following him wherever he leads us.
Last night, I was meandering around Facebook and stumbled upon a friend's page. I met this friend here in Texas at my Bible study. Like myself, she moved away from her hometown because her love was in the Army. She wanted to finish her education but needed a way to do so from home with her one year old and while moving around a couple times. The answer? Ashford University. Based in Iowa, it provides a long list of online degree programs. This totally grabbed my attention because I have been really longing for school and that ever-so-coveted bachelor's degree. I chatted with a representative and asked all of my questions. Turns out, they hook a military spouse up! This is by far the best program for military spouses that I have found yet. I submitted my application last night and am awaiting a phone call today to find out if i'm accepted or not. If I am, the first class starts in July. Yes-this month. July 13th. Classes are 5 weeks long and you only take one at a time. I find this much less intimidating than my normal 17 or 18 hour class load. I can completely understand why people who stop college never go back. It's scary. I am already doubting myself a bit. But I know I can do it. Of course I can do it. I think I'm silly for doubting myself in the first place. I think that this is the best time to do this. Emily is young but getting more independent every day, income is low enough for federal aid, and the sooner I start, the sooner I finish and we can have a degree to fall back on in a desperate situation. This was sort of a spontaneous event last night, but I feel that doors have been opened right and left. I'm praying for direction and for loose ends to be tied up. And I'm thanking God for the excitement I feel about this! :)

What a Day That Will Be

I was listening to the radio yesterday in the car while J was getting a movie in Blockbuster. A song came on the radio that I really enjoyed hearing. Please take a moment to read the lyrics. I'll also post a link to the song if you'd like to hear it.

When sorrows come and hope seems gone
You’re the Rock I rest upon
When waters rise and I can’t breathe
You’re the love that rescues me

Out of the darkness
I lift up my eyes
Unto the hills
I feel my faith rise

Maker of heaven, giver of life
You are my strength, my song in the night
My refuge, my shelter
Now and forevermore
My help comes from the Lord

When I’m broken, scarred by sin
Death gives way to life again
When I suffer, when I’m bound
In You I’m free, in You I’m found

Out of the darkness
I lift up my eyes
Unto the hills
I feel my faith rise

Maker of heaven, giver of life
You are my strength
You’re my refuge
Now and forevermore

Words and Music by Jon Abel, Barry Weeks, Tony Wood and Bryan Brown

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2K9sc3bCdi4

I am guilty of taking credit for giving Emily life when, in fact, I did no such thing. The same God who gave me life, breathed his breath of life into her tiny little body. I am so amazed and so grateful for this incredibly beautiful, miraculously healthy, and altogether amazing little girl that I have been entrusted with. I am reminded again that God is God and his rule is just. Another one of those things that I become too familiar with--Christ's purpose on the Earth was to do his Father's will.

*Matthew 26:42 (New International Version)

He went away a second time and prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done."

*John 4:34 (New International Version)

"My food," said Jesus, "is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work."

*John 6:38 (New International Version)

For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me.

These are just a few examples. To quote Beth Moore once again, "His Father's will is for every person to know God intimately and have fellowship with Him." That's what Jesus was all about and that's what we are supposed to be all about--to go to all lengths with our Lord. No exceptions.

Isaiah 51:10 (New International Version)

Was it not you who dried up the sea,
the waters of the great deep,
who made a road in the depths of the sea
so that the redeemed might cross over?

He is so powerful that he can make a path through the sea...the SEA! so that the redeemed can cross over. In the same chapter, verse 15 says that he can cause the seas to churn making the waves tower. What a powerful God. Surely he is more powerful than the oppressor. We can't let life's troubles defeat us. Our God is stronger. He knows what he's doing. Isaiah 43:18-19 says that he is doing a NEW thing. He never stops. He is so good to me. I am blessed beyond my comprehension and he hasn't stopped yet. When hard times come, I pray for the loving arms of my Jesus to reach down and hold me close to Him. I pray to inhale the peace that only he can give.

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him" (1 John 5:14-15).

I believe it's his will to comfort us when we are hurting and help us through our suffering here on earth. I believe that if I pray expectantly, I will receive.


And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.
(Mark 10:13-16 ESV)

This verse is so comforting. Jesus loves children so much. I love thinking about Jesus with children. It warms my heart and brings peace to my soul. I am so excited for the day when so many women will have the sweetest reunions that they could ever imagine with their own babies lost before they even laid their sweet eyes on this beautiful earth. What a day that will be!

A River Runs Through It

I'm hungry. I'm seeking. I'm loving. I'm hurting. All at once. Life is so full of suffering and pain. It seems that some of us experience that more than others and all of us experience it in different ways than others. The unknowns can be some of the hardest hurts.
Throughout my upbringing, I experienced some hurts. God gave me a thought very early on that he was allowing these hurts for His purpose. I believe with all of my heart that the things I've experienced, I am called to turn around and help others with. I experience these things to better relate to other young women who have experienced them too. These types of things don't just stop when you get married or think you have your life "together". Amy Grant sings a song that says "Hard times come. And they'll come 'til we're done".
As most of you know or can gather from my recent blog posts, I just finished up the Beth Moore "Breaking Free" study. One of the main things I took from that study is something rather simple that I've known all my life. I let myself get desensitized to things that I've heard a lot--Bible verses, songs, sayings, or regular occurrences. This is one of those things. We all know that God has us on this earth for His glory. Some people say, "Why does he deserve glory?" or "How could an all good God allow such misery and suffering in the world?". I can't tell you how many times I've heard those arguments. I'm not very good at apologetics. The fault is my own. But I know that God IS completely good. And he IS in control. I used to think that God loves as a verb. Not true. God IS love. It's not something he can stop doing whenever he wants. It's not selective or when he feels like it, as it is for us. He is love. It's his being. He never stops loving. And even in hard times, I'm no exception to the rule. He still loves me.
Because I know that he loves me, and because I know that the hard times just add to my testimony for the sole purpose of bringing him glory, I can have peace. 2 Thessalonians 3:16 "Now may the Lord of peace Himself continually grant you peace in every circumstance. The Lord be with you all!" It says that he will grant peace in EVERY circumstance. That feels good. Isaiah talked about peace all over his book. Peace will increase eternally, His peace is perfect and he gives it to the steadfast, the righteous receive peace as their reward, we are healed by his wounds, those who walk in the way of the Lord receive peace, peace will rule over you. It's everywhere! The word peace alone is used 26 times in Isaiah. Beth Moore taught me that the key to having peace is authority. She says, "When we allow the Prince of Peace to govern our lives, peace either immediately or ultimately results. Peace accompanies authority." I think that we will receive peace about anything when we are walking with him and the situation is totally and completely surrendered to him. When we take a leap of faith in what we cannot see and trust his will for our lives. I want peace like a river. One of my favorite childhood songs- I've got peace like a river. I've got peace like a river. I've got peace like a river in my soul. I love nature for those of you who don't know. And I absolutely love thinking of things metaphorically and parallel to an element of nature. A river is fitting here, of course. I think of the river that carved out the Grand Canyon. It was powerful--gosh was it powerful. It was probably turbulent, jumping over rocks when it came to them, and it was exciting. What a ride. But look at how beautiful the canyon is that this river created? Peace is not out of my reach or out of yours. It can come to anyone who will stomp on their pride, ask for it, and receive it. If you're anything like me, that's not easy to do but definitely possible. I know that this post hasn't been incredibly insightful but writing is therapy for me. I learn as I write and the truths that have become stagnant are brought to the forefront of my brain for fresh meditation. Maybe something written here will do the same for you.

Finally

Things have been surprisingly busy here as of late. I realize that I have absolutely failed at faithful blogging and for that, I am sorry. I have some good news: we will be moving home on September 1st. It's official! Well, as official as anything can be with the Army. To catch you up on recent events: Connie was here with us last week and left on Sunday. Jonathan has been very ill since Sunday. To top it off, we are eagerly awaiting the arrival of Nana and Pop and Grandma on Thursday. Pork chops will be on the grill, Emily will be beaming with anticipation, and big full-of-love hugs will be given. Just a short post for now to let you know I have not forgotten about my blogging commitment! This is an exciting time in our lives.

I wrote the following words at a young 17 years of age. They came to my mind recently so I thought I would share them with you. One of my favorite ways to understand something or think about something is by using a metaphor from nature. Oh, how I love nature.

The fire is familiar tonight. It's embers glow softly. They are the remnants of what once burned bright. The burning logs dominate in comparison and their product is a breathtaking bloom of flame. The wood crackles. As it continues to warm, it settles into the place that fits it best. Flames flicker, illuminating the room--also my eyes, my troubled eyes. As the smoke rises, it is as if i can see my thoughts entangled in its' whispy arms. It carries my thoughts up and exposes them to the world as the wind sweeps the smoke away.

A fire burns within me--a fire of love and compassion. Most see fire as destructive but tonight, I find it healing. It is here with me, beside me. I look into it and see everything that makes up who I remain to be. The sparks that suddenly break free give me hope that someone is out there who can love me--all of me. I hurt, but find peace in this moment--With an unbroken gaze, I can get a glimpse of my soul and the breadth of all that i am.

I can see your face, tonight, in the flames, and as hard as I try, I cannot extinguish it.

The fire is dying down. Does love die down? Maybe it is just sleeping for a time. After all, a burnt log is much easier to rekindle than a log that has never tasted the fire before.

Now the question is: is it better to be the fresh log or the burnt one?

Girls' Night

Tonight is girls' night because the guys have decided it's guys' night. They are going to see Robin Hood at the theatre and Keri, Emily, and me are staying in to watch Mean Girls. Jonathan was holding Emily upside down the other night (just playing, of course) and I saw something white underneath her gums. After some investigation, I discovered the answer to many of our questions as of late. She appears to be cutting three teeth at one time! I suppose this is fitting though seeing as how she is on the verge of her first birthday and only has two teeth. She is a tad behind on the dental part of development. Not for long! This discovery explains the intermittent diaper rash, spells of sleeplessness, and bouts of appetitelessness. That would be a neat word if it were a word at all. Oh well, you get the picture.
Jonathan is having significant trouble sleeping. He returned to the doctor today in desperate need of a sleep aid. Hopefully this will temporarily cure the problem until his referral for a sleep testing center is approved. Doctor Amanda says it's sleep apnea. We will see.
At the advice of several dear friends, I am reading C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters. So far, I am enjoying it immensely. I can testify that there is so much truth in this work of fiction. It is so neat to be able to identify with the tactics that the devil can use to win over a soul or even make a valiant attempt at such. Lewis seems to have had an incredible understanding of the way God works as well as Satan and expresses it well in this book. I recommend it, for sure. Chapter 8 is my favorite.
In other news, Texas is HOT. Gee whiz is it hot. It's only May and it feels like a day in July at home in Tennessee. I love the outdoors so much but the heat truly makes it difficult to enjoy. Also, after an allergy test, I have come to find out that I'm allergic to Mountain Oak. I'm somewhat confused as to why there is a tree specific to central Texas called Mountain Oak. I have not seen any mountains around here. Am I missing something? Anyways, it sure is a bother to the sinuses.
We are all doing fine here in Texas despite the allergies, heat, and sleep apnea. After that last sentence, it seems as if the title of this blog should have been "Complaint After Complaint". Forgive me, for I do not mean to whine. Take it as more of an informative entry. That was my motivation from the start. We miss our loved ones terribly and are thankful for the friends we have made here with which we spend our time. Thank you for reading.

Rapidly Approaching a Milestone

Today is May 18, 2010. Eleven months ago, I gave birth to a precious little girl. I am sort of in shock that she is about to turn 1. I remember the first time I saw her face and felt what it felt like to hold her in my arms instead of my belly. I remember feeding her for the first time and even her first dirty diaper! The first time I heard her cry, saw her smile, fed her baby food, watched her pull up, and chased her around the house on all fours. Being a parent really is an incredible thing. It demands an immense amount of responsibility and discipline. I have found that if I obey those demands as I should, the reward is abundant. I have never known such a happy baby. I am encouraged and excited about the life that she will be provided with while she grows up. I pray that she will grow up secure in her faith and that that will lead to security in herself. She has so many people that adore her. She actually has 6 great grandparents, four grandparents, many surrogate grandparents, and so many other friends that love and will support her. For all of that, I am beyond thankful. God is so good. Who am I that he would bestow such blessings on me? I think it's proof that he loves me truly. He is crazy about me and I like to think that he is up there sweet talkin' me too. Frankly, I'm convinced I'm his sweet girl and his beloved. What little girl doesn't dream of being someone's beloved? I sure did and that's one fairy tale that has come true.

Spaghetti Pie and Jesus

Last night we had spaghetti pie for dinner. It was our first time to eat it and my first time to make it. I try to pick 3 or 4 new recipes out of my cook books every time I go grocery shopping to try. This one was a success. I just wish I had more people to feed! We always have leftovers. I long for family or a neighbor I could take food to. While I was making the pie, I threw some vanilla ice cream components in the ice cream maker. After Em went to bed, we had strawberry shortcake--one of my very favorite deserts. Something makes me feel like it's a little bit healthy which furthers my enjoyment. Emily is doing some better today. All the congestion is loosening up. She's got to be just about the cutest thing i've ever seen. She is wearing yoga pants today. Adorable.
I just spent about thirty minutes on the front porch doing a couple days out of this week's study. So far, this week has been mostly for education's sake. Not too much applies to me. That's a bit selfish to say, I suppose. Forgive me. I enjoy it though because it gives me direction to read the scriptures as opposed to just opening the Bible and reading away. Today's lesson was about encouraging barren women to hold fast and cling to the Lord because He can make a woman more spiritually fruitful than a woman who has many children. Of course, I think it's possible to be fruitful in both ways.
I am so fascinated by the History channel and the National Geographic channel. I just love the shows where they attempt to reenact history. Right now, I'm watching a special on Stonehenge. It has inspired me to read a book about spiritual warfare. New archaeologists believe that Stonehenge was built as a dwelling place for their dead ancestors. I'm not sure how I feel about that. It has been recommended to me to read CS Lewis' Screwtape Letters. Any other suggestions? I'm especially seeking the advice of my father-in-law here.
I've been craving college lately. I want homework assignments and new books to read and papers to write. Weird--I know. So, until I can satisfy that craving, I'll settle for reading books at my own pace about my Father and this world that He's created. That ought to do for now don't you think?
I am just so full of love and so happy with the changes that the Lord has made in my life. I highly recommend surrendering areas of bondage to Him for He is faithful to liberate. He is strengthening our marriage, my family relationships, and friendships. A relationship with the Lord is not what I once thought-- faithful church-going, a 15 minute devotion, prayer before meals. It is not the normal--it's the exceptional. He demands all of us, not just Sundays and a few moments before bed. Jesus isn't something you do, He is what you live, breathe, and love. He desires for us to fall in love with him. He is the ultimate love and we are His bride. He thinks our beauty is breathtaking. By loving Him first, we are free to love our human loves even more. We are free to let them be human and seek perfection only from He who is perfect. Being full of Christ and hungering for more is the best feeling in the whole wide world. Believing that He loves me so much, that I am so precious to Him even more than my own husband is to me is mind boggling. How do I know He loves me so much? Because the Bible tells me so.

Events

Well, our life has been unexpectedly eventful lately so I feel that I must blog about it. Jonathan took me to a Gaither Homecoming concert for Mother's day. I have to say that was probably the best present ever. The concert was absolutely amazing. We were the youngest people there by twenty or thirty years easily, but we didn't mind. I can't express how happy I am at my decision for a husband--he loves the Gaithers! (among many many other reasons, of course :)). We just had a blast. I got my picture taken with some of my most favorite famous people. The concert lasted from 3-7:30. Emily was left in completely capable hands with our friends, the Woodersons so we knew she was happy and well taken care of. We decided to be spontaneous--one of my other favorite things to do. I have had an itch to go swimming lately so Jonathan took me to a Holiday Inn and got us a room. Then he took me to WalMart and got us bathing suits seeing as how we didnt bring anything with us. The pool was freezing so we opted for the hot tub. It was relaxing. It's so true what they say about Holiday Inn's...you really do wake up rested. I slept so so so good. We woke up early Sunday morning and headed back to Killeen. On the way back, we talked about how much we missed Emily. We made all the little faces she makes now and remembered how cute she was. When we got back and saw her, she looked different after only one day! I can't believe how she is changing. She's growing into a little kid.
She had been congested a little bit over the past three days but Sunday night, it got really bad. She woke up at 11 pm that night and was struggling to breathe. We rubbed vicks on her, had her humidifier going, and did everything we knew to help her. We ended up being up with her all night and at 5 am, decided it was time to go to the ER. She was working so hard just to take a breath. I was scared to death. We got to the ER and as soon as we walked in the door, the nurse heard her wheezing and grabbed her. She took us right back to a triage room. Em's temperature was really high. We were moved to a different room where they started two breathing treatments. Those things are wonderful. They helped her so fast. They took some chest x-rays, gave her some meds, got her fever to break, and sent us home after 3 hours. Mommy, daddy, and Emily all took a nap. She is doing much better now. We are still on a strict motrin/tylenon regimen for the fever and her congestion is persisting but it is not near as bad.
Jonathan is gone to the range today and we miss him. Emily and I will play and play and play until he gets home. (It's her favorite thing to do.) We are counting down the days to my birthday because that means that Connie will be coming down! I am SO looking forward to seeing my best friend. Dear friendships are never to be taken for granted.

A legacy

There are tears in my eyes and flooding to my cheeks. A dear sweet friend of mine from college made a video about her sweet baby. Please take a few minutes of your day and share this with us. Let your heart be touched.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOkmkS1GWoc

Well, everything is going fine here in case anyone was wondering. Just the same daily stuff. An army that isn't so much fun to deal with, the sweetest baby girl ever, and a house that seems to continually dirty itself. I got all of our wedding pictures developed and in an album. Over 400 of them! It was quite a job to get them put in some kind of order, but I am very happy with the results. I attended a Beth Moore simulcast last Saturday. I really enjoyed it. The only part that was lacking for me was the woman who aided in worship. Somehow watching someone jump around on stage distracted me. Maybe that's my own sin speaking. Probably. We enjoyed a 4 day weekend after the end of WLC for Jonathan. That was very nice. I tried my best to get a trip to the lake but it didn't work. "Next weekend" was my answer. But "next weekend" there are storms filling up the forecast so maybe the next. I need to get Emmers a bathingsuit anyways. I had one for her that was a newborn size but of course was too chicken to take her out in the sunlight for longer than ten minutes until she was 9 months old. New mom syndrome....yep I had it bad. We have ordered a baby jogger and after my failed attempt at jogging behind a normal stroller at the park yesterday morning, I am super excited. Another random tidbit: I woke up the other morning and suddenly knew how to french braid. It's rapidly become my favorite hairstyle--mainly because it takes about two minutes and stays all day. What's better than that? I find myself eager to finish my degree. "Degree in what?" You may ask. Well, that's still up for debate...I just want the degree. Any suggestions out there? I'm up for them. Most of all, I find myself eager to get home and afraid of change all at once. You just haven't seen complicated until i've told you all the secrets of my soul. :)

Glory to God

I have to write a post solely for the purpose of giving glory to God for several things. There's a story in Mark....Mark 9, I believe, that tells of a father and his son. This father spoke the words "I believe, help my unbelief!" to Christ. Like...out loud. Can you imagine saying that to God's son? I don't know about you, but that is one of the most refreshing stories in the Bible that I've studied so far. We don't need to hide our unbelief--especially before the Father. If we ask him and "...draw near with confidence to the throne of grace..." (Heb. 4:16) he is faithful to hear and respond in his perfect timing. I've learned something that I once thought differently about. When I heard the word "captive" in a religious context three weeks ago, I would have said it was referring to someone who is not saved--a captive to sin and an earthly mind. However, I now know that a captive is someone who IS saved. "A Christian is held captive by anything that hinders the abundant and effective Spirit-filled life God planned for her." I am quoting Beth Moore. This totally changed my view. I could make a list a page long of things I am held captive by. But guess what? God can change that. He IS changing that. Boy...it's not easy and goodness gracious it's not painless but let me tell you--it is SO worth it. You want to talk about someone with doubts? Someone with fears? Someone that once thought "well I got myself into this mess I'm probably the one that has to get myself out"? Or someone who didn't think things could ever change. It was impossible. As Beth would say...beloved, nothing and I mean absolutely nothing is impossible with the God who created 500 billion galaxies. The God who created you and created me to bring Him alone glory and honor and praise. Beth also explained in her book the difference between how God handles physical health and spiritual health. Sometimes, God has it in his will to allow sickness and strife. He is God and who are we to question that? But the scriptures are clear that God always wills the spiritual captive to be free. What a relief. He wants to free me. He wants me to not only taste liberty but fully indulge in an "abundant and effective Spirit-filled life". This isn't just about me. This is about every woman and every man. We can all be held captive to things. Sometimes they aren't so obvious and take a little digging to find the root of our reactions, feelings, and impulses. But there's one thing that's for sure: captivity doesn't have to be life-long. There is help--the best help that this world has to offer and it's all in Jesus' name. The prophet Isaiah has some encouraging words for the captive. Please take a moment to read this passage and truly hear the words.
"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, Because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the afflicted. He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted, to proclaim liberty to captives, and freedom to prisoners; to proclaim the favorable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn, to grant those who mourn in Zion, giving them a garland instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting. So they will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified."
My prayer for myself and for the sweet women reading this is that we would be "oaks of righteousness". I secretly or not so secretly have a tremendous passion for trees. Maybe that is why this strikes my heart so deeply. To be called an oak of righteousness makes me think of a tall, sturdy oak tree that sways in the breeze to accommodate the changing winds but does not break at its' trunk. Dead and useless branches may fall off but the live productive branches are fed with rainwater and sunshine to grow long and beautiful. The best part about that verse is that all of us oak trees would be "the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified". You see, His glory is what this life is all about. It truly is. I ask you to set aside your pride, your insecurities, your unbelief, and your fears, and just take a few moments to give our God glory. He is the only way that we can find deep and lasting satisfaction while our dwelling place remains to be this Earth. Embrace Him. Ask Him to swallow you up in His arms of love and enjoy His sweet presence. Lastly, thank Him for all that He was, is, and is to come for He alone is worthy.