I Stand Convicted

I stand convicted to contribute to my own blog more frequently. Boy, am I terrible at that. At the urging of a sweet friend, here I sit. In front of my laptop. My problem with blogging is that there is always something "more important" to do. Laundry to be folded. Spit up to clean. Stickers to do with Emily. Homework (yuck). A husband who wants to spend time with me. A trip to the grocery store. Have to squeeze a shower in somewhere. Dinner to be cooked. Meals to plan. Bible study to go to. Phone calls to make. Text messages to return. Baths to give. A floor to vacuum. Toilets to scrub. The cutest baby ever to make funny faces with. The list goes on and on. Blogging just never seems to make the cut. On an average day, for some strange reason, I am inclined to put showering higher on the to-do list than blogging. Well, not today!


I sat down and typed in my own blog address. I started reading. I love love love that i've chronicled particular events in the way that I have. I will always cherish having such a thoughtful record of our life events. And for that reason, maybe i'll try to add blogging to the list.
I'm still trying to get settled in our new town. Having two kids under age 3 and being only 22 years old are proving to get in the way of making more-than-casual friends. If I let myself, I can get extremely discouraged by those two facts. If I let myself, I can go down the thought-road of "I'm only 22 and i'm almost constantly stuck in the house with two children who are utterly dependent on me for their every need and want. What are other 22 year olds doing? What are my friends doing? They are sleeping in on the weekends. Hanging out with their friends or husbands whenever they want. Going to see movies at the theatre. Going shopping *alone*. They have alone time! They can go to the bathroom alone!" The thoughts can go on and on. The harsh reality is that I made a decision when I was 19. That led to another decision--to have my baby. So, as a 20-year-old, I became a mother. Let me just say that I don't think many 20 year olds out there are truly aware of what becoming a mother means. I definitely wasn't. I thought so, but just now am I somehow realizing what a mother's life is like. Perhaps it was the second kid that changed things so much. With just one, you can go places, do more things, see more people. But with two kids, and a husband who works evening shifts, the possibilities are seriously limited.


I have to seriously limit how often I let my mind ask those questions and think that way. A pity party isn't extremely constructive. The question is: what to do about all of that? I mean, a girl's got to keep her sanity somehow. Well, I know that my decision to have my baby is and will continue to be rewarded. And I couldn't find a more perfect little boy anywhere in the world than sweet Anderson. (I could go into an entire discussion on how awesome my kids are, but i'll save that for another time). Simply stated, although maybe a tad high maintence in comparison to others, my kids have super awesome personalities and are a blast to be around. Their curiousity, "in-to-everything-ness", and bright minds will lead them down pretty exciting life paths, I'm sure of it. Beyond that, I am right where I am supposed to be in life. And i'm fine with that. Granted, I do think that people could be a bit more friendly or reach out a little more--relationships can't be one-sided.

Until my life changes a bit and my kids get a bit older, i'll be here.

Tending to my list.

Some may think that what i've described resembles a nightmare for someone in their early 20s. Some days I feel that way. But most days I view my work as lifelong. I'm not chasing after the wind. I see the benefits of staying home with my children and being a slave to their needs. I see how it is benefiting them. I know that they will reap the benefits from my sacrifices. And that makes it all worth it.


I think that eliminating something from that list might do a world of good for me. Speaking of the list...I have exactly 10 weeks until I will complete my bachelor's degree. Most kids go to college for 4 years, live in dorms, and are solely focused on their academics and light-hearted social life. I have a tendency to be hard on myself for it taking me 5 years to finish my degree when *if i had just stayed on track from the get-go*, I would have been finished a year ago. Then reality sets in. And I realize that it has only taken me one year longer than your average college student and in that year I have had two babies, moved eight times, acquired a husband, bought a home, and held four different jobs. Not too shabby.