Two Things

Two things to share with you tonight:

For dinner we had chicken. Not just any chicken. You've got to try this. So easy.
Four chicken breasts. Bbq sauce. Sliced pepperjack cheese.

Cut slits in chicken and insert cheese. Cover in bbq sauce. Grill. Baste with bbq often.

Enjoy.

SO amazing.

2nd....You've just got to watch this video. Jonathan and I were so moved by it. Thanks to Aunt Kim for posting a link to it.

Go to this website:
www.drawnfromwaterstore.blogspot.com

The video "It started with Bale" is at the very bottom of the page.

I have no words after watching that video...it speaks for itself. Be vulnerable. Be moved. Be inspired.

Updates

After praying, several pro/con lists, lots of emails, and talking with Jonathan, we've decided that Ashford University is the place i'll finish my undergraduate degree. We've also decided that the best fit for me is either to study psychology or early childhood education. Either one will allow me to continue on and get licensed to teach or puruse(or pursue) a master's degree in education. Praise the Lord for this decision. It hasn't been easy but we are confident that this is the right path. I have a bad habit of analyzing absolutely everything and second guessing myself to death, but lucky for me, I have a confident husband. God knew what he was doing when he paired the two of us up. Jonathan is very secure and sure about this decision so I have the pleasure of resting in his confidence when my insecure tendencies kick in. Praise the Lord again. Teamwork is the best.
This morning, i've had my coffee and His Word. I'm about to wake the sweet baby and head on to Ft. Hood. Our mission: get Emily signed up for daycare at the gym so mommy can work out whenever she wants to. We attempted this mission on Tuesday but we failed so here we go again. A friend wants me to go to a "zumba" work out class on Saturday with her. I looked it up on youtube and oh my word...I can't move like that. She agrees that neither can she so at least we'll get a good laugh out of it! I hear that's a good workout anyways.
Leave is almost over for the military guys in J's unit and we've stuck it out here in lonely Killeen. We are proud for that. It means we get to go home two weeks earlier. We have less than two months to go! That's no time! We feel anxious, excited, scared, and relieved. We find ourselves talking alot about how it's going to feel to drive out of this town for the very last time and not have any obligation to Ft. Hood again. Wow. Jonathan has done this for over four years now...I'm just pushing five months. :) I don't have much room to complain. I will be very very happy for him on that final day.
Your prayers are much appreciated for the unsure nature of our near future. We love you.

New Development!

Hello everyone. Today is the start of our wonderful 4-day weekend. It's raining today for the fourth day in a row and I LOVE it. Rain seems to be a rare event here in Texas so I'm loving the under 90 degree weather and moist air. Jonathan mailed in an application to the police department on Signal Mountain today. We prayed over it and sent it off! We know that the Lord is looking out for us and already knows the outcome of the application. If this isn't the job, then we will keep following him wherever he leads us.
Last night, I was meandering around Facebook and stumbled upon a friend's page. I met this friend here in Texas at my Bible study. Like myself, she moved away from her hometown because her love was in the Army. She wanted to finish her education but needed a way to do so from home with her one year old and while moving around a couple times. The answer? Ashford University. Based in Iowa, it provides a long list of online degree programs. This totally grabbed my attention because I have been really longing for school and that ever-so-coveted bachelor's degree. I chatted with a representative and asked all of my questions. Turns out, they hook a military spouse up! This is by far the best program for military spouses that I have found yet. I submitted my application last night and am awaiting a phone call today to find out if i'm accepted or not. If I am, the first class starts in July. Yes-this month. July 13th. Classes are 5 weeks long and you only take one at a time. I find this much less intimidating than my normal 17 or 18 hour class load. I can completely understand why people who stop college never go back. It's scary. I am already doubting myself a bit. But I know I can do it. Of course I can do it. I think I'm silly for doubting myself in the first place. I think that this is the best time to do this. Emily is young but getting more independent every day, income is low enough for federal aid, and the sooner I start, the sooner I finish and we can have a degree to fall back on in a desperate situation. This was sort of a spontaneous event last night, but I feel that doors have been opened right and left. I'm praying for direction and for loose ends to be tied up. And I'm thanking God for the excitement I feel about this! :)

What a Day That Will Be

I was listening to the radio yesterday in the car while J was getting a movie in Blockbuster. A song came on the radio that I really enjoyed hearing. Please take a moment to read the lyrics. I'll also post a link to the song if you'd like to hear it.

When sorrows come and hope seems gone
You’re the Rock I rest upon
When waters rise and I can’t breathe
You’re the love that rescues me

Out of the darkness
I lift up my eyes
Unto the hills
I feel my faith rise

Maker of heaven, giver of life
You are my strength, my song in the night
My refuge, my shelter
Now and forevermore
My help comes from the Lord

When I’m broken, scarred by sin
Death gives way to life again
When I suffer, when I’m bound
In You I’m free, in You I’m found

Out of the darkness
I lift up my eyes
Unto the hills
I feel my faith rise

Maker of heaven, giver of life
You are my strength
You’re my refuge
Now and forevermore

Words and Music by Jon Abel, Barry Weeks, Tony Wood and Bryan Brown

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2K9sc3bCdi4

I am guilty of taking credit for giving Emily life when, in fact, I did no such thing. The same God who gave me life, breathed his breath of life into her tiny little body. I am so amazed and so grateful for this incredibly beautiful, miraculously healthy, and altogether amazing little girl that I have been entrusted with. I am reminded again that God is God and his rule is just. Another one of those things that I become too familiar with--Christ's purpose on the Earth was to do his Father's will.

*Matthew 26:42 (New International Version)

He went away a second time and prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done."

*John 4:34 (New International Version)

"My food," said Jesus, "is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work."

*John 6:38 (New International Version)

For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me.

These are just a few examples. To quote Beth Moore once again, "His Father's will is for every person to know God intimately and have fellowship with Him." That's what Jesus was all about and that's what we are supposed to be all about--to go to all lengths with our Lord. No exceptions.

Isaiah 51:10 (New International Version)

Was it not you who dried up the sea,
the waters of the great deep,
who made a road in the depths of the sea
so that the redeemed might cross over?

He is so powerful that he can make a path through the sea...the SEA! so that the redeemed can cross over. In the same chapter, verse 15 says that he can cause the seas to churn making the waves tower. What a powerful God. Surely he is more powerful than the oppressor. We can't let life's troubles defeat us. Our God is stronger. He knows what he's doing. Isaiah 43:18-19 says that he is doing a NEW thing. He never stops. He is so good to me. I am blessed beyond my comprehension and he hasn't stopped yet. When hard times come, I pray for the loving arms of my Jesus to reach down and hold me close to Him. I pray to inhale the peace that only he can give.

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him" (1 John 5:14-15).

I believe it's his will to comfort us when we are hurting and help us through our suffering here on earth. I believe that if I pray expectantly, I will receive.


And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.
(Mark 10:13-16 ESV)

This verse is so comforting. Jesus loves children so much. I love thinking about Jesus with children. It warms my heart and brings peace to my soul. I am so excited for the day when so many women will have the sweetest reunions that they could ever imagine with their own babies lost before they even laid their sweet eyes on this beautiful earth. What a day that will be!

A River Runs Through It

I'm hungry. I'm seeking. I'm loving. I'm hurting. All at once. Life is so full of suffering and pain. It seems that some of us experience that more than others and all of us experience it in different ways than others. The unknowns can be some of the hardest hurts.
Throughout my upbringing, I experienced some hurts. God gave me a thought very early on that he was allowing these hurts for His purpose. I believe with all of my heart that the things I've experienced, I am called to turn around and help others with. I experience these things to better relate to other young women who have experienced them too. These types of things don't just stop when you get married or think you have your life "together". Amy Grant sings a song that says "Hard times come. And they'll come 'til we're done".
As most of you know or can gather from my recent blog posts, I just finished up the Beth Moore "Breaking Free" study. One of the main things I took from that study is something rather simple that I've known all my life. I let myself get desensitized to things that I've heard a lot--Bible verses, songs, sayings, or regular occurrences. This is one of those things. We all know that God has us on this earth for His glory. Some people say, "Why does he deserve glory?" or "How could an all good God allow such misery and suffering in the world?". I can't tell you how many times I've heard those arguments. I'm not very good at apologetics. The fault is my own. But I know that God IS completely good. And he IS in control. I used to think that God loves as a verb. Not true. God IS love. It's not something he can stop doing whenever he wants. It's not selective or when he feels like it, as it is for us. He is love. It's his being. He never stops loving. And even in hard times, I'm no exception to the rule. He still loves me.
Because I know that he loves me, and because I know that the hard times just add to my testimony for the sole purpose of bringing him glory, I can have peace. 2 Thessalonians 3:16 "Now may the Lord of peace Himself continually grant you peace in every circumstance. The Lord be with you all!" It says that he will grant peace in EVERY circumstance. That feels good. Isaiah talked about peace all over his book. Peace will increase eternally, His peace is perfect and he gives it to the steadfast, the righteous receive peace as their reward, we are healed by his wounds, those who walk in the way of the Lord receive peace, peace will rule over you. It's everywhere! The word peace alone is used 26 times in Isaiah. Beth Moore taught me that the key to having peace is authority. She says, "When we allow the Prince of Peace to govern our lives, peace either immediately or ultimately results. Peace accompanies authority." I think that we will receive peace about anything when we are walking with him and the situation is totally and completely surrendered to him. When we take a leap of faith in what we cannot see and trust his will for our lives. I want peace like a river. One of my favorite childhood songs- I've got peace like a river. I've got peace like a river. I've got peace like a river in my soul. I love nature for those of you who don't know. And I absolutely love thinking of things metaphorically and parallel to an element of nature. A river is fitting here, of course. I think of the river that carved out the Grand Canyon. It was powerful--gosh was it powerful. It was probably turbulent, jumping over rocks when it came to them, and it was exciting. What a ride. But look at how beautiful the canyon is that this river created? Peace is not out of my reach or out of yours. It can come to anyone who will stomp on their pride, ask for it, and receive it. If you're anything like me, that's not easy to do but definitely possible. I know that this post hasn't been incredibly insightful but writing is therapy for me. I learn as I write and the truths that have become stagnant are brought to the forefront of my brain for fresh meditation. Maybe something written here will do the same for you.

Finally

Things have been surprisingly busy here as of late. I realize that I have absolutely failed at faithful blogging and for that, I am sorry. I have some good news: we will be moving home on September 1st. It's official! Well, as official as anything can be with the Army. To catch you up on recent events: Connie was here with us last week and left on Sunday. Jonathan has been very ill since Sunday. To top it off, we are eagerly awaiting the arrival of Nana and Pop and Grandma on Thursday. Pork chops will be on the grill, Emily will be beaming with anticipation, and big full-of-love hugs will be given. Just a short post for now to let you know I have not forgotten about my blogging commitment! This is an exciting time in our lives.

I wrote the following words at a young 17 years of age. They came to my mind recently so I thought I would share them with you. One of my favorite ways to understand something or think about something is by using a metaphor from nature. Oh, how I love nature.

The fire is familiar tonight. It's embers glow softly. They are the remnants of what once burned bright. The burning logs dominate in comparison and their product is a breathtaking bloom of flame. The wood crackles. As it continues to warm, it settles into the place that fits it best. Flames flicker, illuminating the room--also my eyes, my troubled eyes. As the smoke rises, it is as if i can see my thoughts entangled in its' whispy arms. It carries my thoughts up and exposes them to the world as the wind sweeps the smoke away.

A fire burns within me--a fire of love and compassion. Most see fire as destructive but tonight, I find it healing. It is here with me, beside me. I look into it and see everything that makes up who I remain to be. The sparks that suddenly break free give me hope that someone is out there who can love me--all of me. I hurt, but find peace in this moment--With an unbroken gaze, I can get a glimpse of my soul and the breadth of all that i am.

I can see your face, tonight, in the flames, and as hard as I try, I cannot extinguish it.

The fire is dying down. Does love die down? Maybe it is just sleeping for a time. After all, a burnt log is much easier to rekindle than a log that has never tasted the fire before.

Now the question is: is it better to be the fresh log or the burnt one?