Sick and Twisted

I have a real problem with people who make promises that they cannot keep. What's even more, is when someone makes a promise they could keep but decide not to.

I also have a real problem with a person who pretends to care about the needs of the family unit. These kinds of people pretend to be concerned with what families need to operate to the general public, but when it comes down to it, their true colors of apathy come out.

I can't stand laziness. I can't stand when someone is punished for someone else's laziness.

I can't stand the rank system. It is so incredibly abused and an absolute tragedy.

Above all, I just can't tolerate when onlookers see this happening to someone and do nothing about it. They find joy in others' suffering. In what culture is that ethically okay? Seems like I remember learning in school that it's not normal to find pleasure in watching someone else suffer. The words "sick and twisted" seem fitting.

Wait...something is coming to mind. Seems like I have heard of something that possesses all of these embarassing shortcomings.

There it is. It's not just a person--it's the U.S. Army! The most inefficient and poorly communicating organization I have ever come in contact with.

Oh goodness me. How did I forget? Of course the Army is this way. The government runs it!

Final Days

I have exciting news to report. My best friend Connie is flying into Dallas on Saturday. We are so grateful for Connie's willingness to pick up and fly to Texas with four days notice. We will be leaving Sunday morning to head back to Tennessee. I am not excited about driving that far with Emily, but I am much more optimistic knowing that i'll have the help of CoCo--as she is affectionately called by children under the age of 5. We are very excited to come home so soon, but of course we will miss Jonathan immensely. We are already looking forward to the day when J pulls into the driveway and stays in Tennessee with us for good. After a year deployment, two weeks of separation doesn't seem so bad.

The Army continues to be frustrating and continues to make departing from it harder than ever. Per the Army's rule, J is supposed to have fourteen days to clear. He is supposed to have fourteen days to go to individual buildings on post and get everything squared away for his honorable separation. However, he seems to be having a hard time getting the time to which he is entitled. He was informed a few days ago that he would be doing an all week range. He would be gone from Tuesday -Friday with one break on Thursday where he could come home. He would be sleeping out in a shack and obviously not being able to clear. What is even more, the guys he works with found it funny that he would have to do this. They displayed actual glee that Jonathan would be forced to do this. They know how miserable he is. They know how much he hates the Army. What disrespect. What immaturity. What selfishness. It only adds to his desire and drive to get out of this place as soon as possible. We often dream of what it must be like to work with people who care about you, who you can actually communicate with, and people who want the best for you and want to see you happy. Wow. That's almost unimaginable. Not to say that every single person he works with is like this, because there are a few gracious exceptions. And, truthfully, I could never know exactly the situation because I don't go to work with him. All I see is his dejected, put-off, discouraged attitude when he gets home from work. But, I'll have you know, we are not defeated. We are the winners no matter how we are treated. That may sound similar to something your mother told you in fifth grade when the class bully was picking on you. If it does, then your mother imparted wisdom to you. It's true--we win. And this is why:

"I continually call you to closeness with Me. I know the depth and breadth of your need for Me. I can read the emptiness of your thoughts when they wander away from Me. I offer rest for your soul, as well as refreshment for your mind and body. As you increasingly find fulfillment in Me, other pleasures become less important. Knowing Me intimately is like having a private wellspring of joy within you. This spring flows freely from My throne of grace, so your Joy is independent of circumstances."

-Our morning devotion today--"Jesus Calling"

"Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him;

Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,

Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes."

Psalm 37:7

I could type the entire chapter of Psalm 37, but i'll let you read it on your own if you wish.

This is what we put our trust in. The Lord will reward the righteous. That is what J is striving to be. Might I just use this opportunity to express my gratitude for a husband who is Godly, mature, wise, and so loving--even when I (and other people) don't deserve it. I am so grateful that we are paired together. That we are married to each other who have the same worldviews, values, and beliefs. We are equally yoked. To God be the glory, great things He hath done.

We are praying for patience and contentment. That's easy for me to say because I'm going home in three days.

I must get back to diligently watching for the UPS truck to deliver my guitar. Today is the day.

I'll leave you with another verse we read from "The Love Dare":

"We love, because He first loved us. If someone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also."

1 John 4:19-21

I personally would be interested to see the original text for these verses, but that is just my analytical and curious personality coming out. I think this verse sums up how we should act in situations like ours. Seems pretty clear.

Whom I Have Believed

Well, Jonathan got accepted into the police academy. Great news, right? It would be if the Army hadn't moved our date. He leaves Killeen the day of mandatory orientation so he has to wait until the next class. We have yet to find out for sure when that next class will be held. All we can seem to say about this situation is "God has a reason for this". That's all we know.

I had planned to write an extremely lengthy blog about my perception of the growing epidemic of lukewarm Christians in the church today. I was also going to discuss what I have seen, what I have been, why I believe it is sin, and how to avoid being lukewarm or, frankly, cold. I have actually seen a "cold" Christian. It's hard to believe, I know. Please don't think I am speaking as if I am higher than anyone or have it all figured out. There is no blame here. Let's keep it that way. I don't pretend to know it all in my own mind, and I surely don't profess to on my blog. A blog, however, is simply a place (that happens to be public) that I can express my thoughts and my readers can take them or leave them.

Instead of focusing my energies on this proposed blog, I have decided to obey what I believe is God clearly speaking to me. After putting so much thought into this could-be-blog last night and this morning, I opened my devotion to read to Jonathan during our normal time and this is part of what I read...

"Expect to encounter adversity in your life, remembering that you live in a deeply fallen world. [. . .] When you became a Christian, I infused My very Life into you, empowering you to live on a supernatural plane by depending on Me. [. . .] Anticipate coming face to face with impossibilities: situations totally beyond your ability to handle. This awareness of your inadequacy is not something you should try to evade. It is precisely where I want you--the best place to encounter Me in My glory and power. [. . .] Allow Me to fight for you. Watch Me working on your behalf, as you rest in the shadow of My Almighty Presence."

There's my answer. I choose to obey and allow the Lord to shine through my silence on the very situations that have brought these issues to my attention as of late. He can fight for me. His armies of heavenly angels can do far more than my meager words. He is so capable. He is so worthy of my confidence. My weapon against the foe is prayer. Friend, please don't underestimate the power of holy intercession. I believe in the power of prayer because I've witnessed it. I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able.

The WHY

Well, the most exciting things happening around here are the following:
I had an awesome workout today.
I made my first homemade loaf of bread last night...honey wheat. Yum.
I made my first batch of chicken salad today and it was also yum.

Em is takin a nap. I think i'll shower and actually fix my hair. I do that about twice a month when I get in the mood. It's rare. Not the shower part...just the fixing hair part. Ha. I shower more than twice a month, no worries.

J starts his first class today and I start my second. It will be such a good feeling to both have our degrees.

I've been praying about a mission trip to the Philippines and the desire in my heart keeps growing and growing. If the road is paved or even graveled (is that a word?) I'll walk it. That would mean fundraising. Lots of fundraising. Also...I would be seeking prayer support. One of my purposes on this trip would be to lead some worship time with music. I've been informed that some of the kids in the Wesley Home for Youth or WHY (where we'd be staying) would love to learn some worship songs on guitar to play after we leave. Wow. What an opportunity that would be. So, to better prepare, we found a cheapo guitar on Ebay and ordered it. It will be here Thursday and I can start learning and brushing up on what I already know (which isn't much). If you would, please read some more information about the group that is in charge of all of this and you can also read or follow a dear friend's blog that will introduce you to the children at the WHY. Here are the sites respectively:

The Rescue Ministries:
www.therescueministries.org

WHY blog:
www.offerthemchrist.blogspot.com

Smart Army

So, just to update everyone and make this abundantly clear, the Army is forcing us to stay in Killeen for 5 extra days. We had previously set up the move date, plans for Labor Day weekend when we got home to TN, notified our landlord, and applied for the police academy based on this date that the Army had given us many months ago and has been printed on J's LES's ever since. When he turned in the paperwork for his terminal leave to be approved, it got through several ranks of people then stopped. Someone really high up looked at it and said "60 days of leave? I don't think so". Turns out, someone had conveniently forgotten to subtract all of the days of leave that were taken from February leave. Not just Jonathan--but other people as well. So, they decided now is a good time to deduct that leave. And we can't leave 'til September 8th. And we have to change all the paperwork for the movers to come later, and we have to hope that our landlord will let us stay 8 extra days, and we have to cancel our Labor Day plans and spend another holiday here, and if J gets accepted into the PA, he won't be able to go because he'll be in lovely Killeen during the mandatory evaluation.(pardon my grammar and and's--i'm ranting here) Guess when the next PA class is? Next fall. Great. Best part of it all: The five extra days J is being forced to stay here to "work"...well,there's a large possibility that Friday-Monday, he will be off for a 4-day holiday weekend. Tuesday he goes to his final brief then straight home for the movers to come, and Wednesday we leave. Hmm...sounds like they really need him to stay and work. Thanks a heap smart Army.


I might add that although this post has been full of complaining and ranting, we are staying positive in our house by clinging to the fact that the Lord has this in His sweet control. We know there'a reason for this, although logically it is impossible to figure out that reason. We just have to trust Him. We are praising Him that we still have less than a month. It could be worse...much worse.

Wonderfully Deserved Glory

I am refusing to post a countdown because I am afraid I may be learning the hard way that nothing is ever certain in the Army. Nothing's definite yet...no freak-outs allowed (tell that to my brain). This issue to be continued in the near future.

In other news, I'm afraid my sweet girl is getting sick. She sounds a bit raspy and is quite the fuss box as of late.

I am two grades away from finishing my first class. So far, I have a 98.5. Here's to hoping the prof rounds up!

I'm finishing up Billy Graham's "Angels" book. I have thoroughly enjoyed it. It is extremely informative concerning a topic on which I have had limited instruction. I especially enjoy reading Bible stories in Billy's words and reading the same stories from the great book itself.

On a surprising note, I watched Glen Beck today and actually enjoyed it. Nobody pass out! It was his opinion on the issue of what is possibly being built near ground zero. I find that he is much more enjoyable when I don't watch his program with a defensive attitude. That, however, is tough because a defensive attitude is one of my specialties. I'm a work in progress.

I think about our sweet baby Bailey often. I think of how much I love (her) and what a wonderful big sister Emily would have been. I imagine how I would be growing and changing and teaching Emily about precious Bailey. I wish I could know this baby. But I never will. Not in this life anyway. As I learned from a dear friend, my Bailey is pure forever. (She) never sinned and never felt the pain of heartache. She went straight from my womb to the arms of our Father. I also happen to believe that she is getting to know some very special people there. I miss her, but I believe that she is happy and okay. I am beginning to craft a letter to her that I will let Emily read someday. Although people may be pretending it didn't happen, avoiding the subject altogether, or just have honestly forgotten...I haven't and I never will. There are reminders everywhere--some painful and some sweet. Two special verses come to mind. They are both commonly used and very familiar to most of us. I invite you to read these carefully and allow the spirit of the Lord to fall fresh upon you through His familiar word.

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want;
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters;
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for His name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil;
for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life;
and I shall dwell in the house of the
Lord forever.
Psalm 23

And finally:

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me,
Because the LORD has anointed me
To bring good news to the afflicted;
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to captives
And freedom to prisoners;

To proclaim the favorable year of the LORD
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,

To grant those who mourn in Zion,
Giving them a garland instead of ashes,
The oil of gladness instead of mourning,
The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting.
So they will be called oaks of righteousness,
The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.
-Isaiah 61:1-3

It's all about Him. I pray that we may be oaks of righteousness planted by the Lord so that we may bring Him alone wonderfully deserved glory.

It's about time I blogged again.
We are in the home-stretch of Jonathan's Army career. We have 32 more sleeps here and on the 33rd sleep, we will find ourselves resting our heads in wonderful Morristown. We will have two months of nothing but us-time and boy am I looking forward to that! It seems as though living halfway across the country would allow for alone time all the time. Not true. We are looking forward to spending some good time together and also with our families. I can't wait to hug my mother's neck and hand her the baby she's been missing so much.
I'm getting close to the end of my first class. I have enjoyed it so far. Some days, I have to do an attitude check and remind myself that school is a good thing and it can be enjoyable. I'm so used to thinking of school as something I HAVE to do and not pleasurable in the least bit. But, I must remember that it keeps me busy here and keeps part of my mind occupied. The other part of my mind has been incredibly busy lately as well. I've been pondering such things as how we receive salvation, a relationship with the Lord and what that means, and how I can better practice living like Christ.(That would take me another three or four long blogs to just briefly discuss though)Frankly, I do a horrible job at living like Christ most of the time. The good news is, that I'm redeemed by love divine and glory, glory! Christ IS mine.
As I continue through the years and experience more and more, my heart is becoming passionate for many different areas. I am witnessing an aunt, uncle, and their three beautiful children gracefully go through the process of fundraising and adopting from Africa. I'm absolutely touched and inspired. Jonathan and I have talked about adoption since we were just dating from America to Iraq. But, witnessing this makes it more real to us and causes us to really think and pray about what the Lord would have us do with this passion.
Another passion that I have developed is for mother's who have experienced babyloss. As most of you know, Jonathan and I lost a baby in June. It's name would have been Bailey. I know too many women who have experienced miscarriage or have birthed a stillborn baby. I know the grief that comes with losing a precious life. It is certainly not fun to endure, but the Lord is so gracious to me. In my hour of despair, he comforts me. There are deep places on this road of grieving--places I never knew could be so dark. Along with the passion for mothers who have experienced this pain, comes the passion from deep within my heart to stand for life. I'll go ahead and say it: I don't believe in "pro-choice". I've been pregnant two times and experienced some feelings that most probably don't in pregnancy given my situation the first time around. But the precious life that is conceived in the womb is a gift straight from the Father's heart to ours. And for those of you who think that miscarriage is nothing to grieve over or that the baby wasn't alive or whatever other ignorant argument you may fabricate, you are sadly mistaken. Babyloss moms, Jesus knows our babies and he gave them to us even if it was for just a short time. He wants us to lean on him for comfort, support, healing, and ultimately our whole lives. There are times when it seems impossible to recover. It feels like everyone has forgotten about the baby or are just pretending it didn't happen. Most of the time, it seems that the topic is risky to talk about for fear of offending the woman or bringing up repressed feelings of sadness. Maybe people just don't know how to talk about it. Either way, it's easy to feel alone and drowing in pain. But there's good news! He will never leave us. He is with us when our hearts feel like they are about to just ache right out of our chests. You, dear mother, are engraved on the palms of His hands--the King of the entire universe loves YOU beyond any comprehension. My prayer is that we could find rest in that promise and peace in the Giver of life. He is only capable of good. God does not love as a verb, He IS love. It is who He is and His principle character trait.
"The love of God is greater far. Than tongue or pen could ever tell."
-Frederick M. Lehman