I wrote the following words at a young 17 years of age. They came to my mind recently so I thought I would share them with you. One of my favorite ways to understand something or think about something is by using a metaphor from nature. Oh, how I love nature.

The fire is familiar tonight. It's embers glow softly. They are the remnants of what once burned bright. The burning logs dominate in comparison and their product is a breathtaking bloom of flame. The wood crackles. As it continues to warm, it settles into the place that fits it best. Flames flicker, illuminating the room--also my eyes, my troubled eyes. As the smoke rises, it is as if i can see my thoughts entangled in its' whispy arms. It carries my thoughts up and exposes them to the world as the wind sweeps the smoke away.

A fire burns within me--a fire of love and compassion. Most see fire as destructive but tonight, I find it healing. It is here with me, beside me. I look into it and see everything that makes up who I remain to be. The sparks that suddenly break free give me hope that someone is out there who can love me--all of me. I hurt, but find peace in this moment--With an unbroken gaze, I can get a glimpse of my soul and the breadth of all that i am.

I can see your face, tonight, in the flames, and as hard as I try, I cannot extinguish it.

The fire is dying down. Does love die down? Maybe it is just sleeping for a time. After all, a burnt log is much easier to rekindle than a log that has never tasted the fire before.

Now the question is: is it better to be the fresh log or the burnt one?

Girls' Night

Tonight is girls' night because the guys have decided it's guys' night. They are going to see Robin Hood at the theatre and Keri, Emily, and me are staying in to watch Mean Girls. Jonathan was holding Emily upside down the other night (just playing, of course) and I saw something white underneath her gums. After some investigation, I discovered the answer to many of our questions as of late. She appears to be cutting three teeth at one time! I suppose this is fitting though seeing as how she is on the verge of her first birthday and only has two teeth. She is a tad behind on the dental part of development. Not for long! This discovery explains the intermittent diaper rash, spells of sleeplessness, and bouts of appetitelessness. That would be a neat word if it were a word at all. Oh well, you get the picture.
Jonathan is having significant trouble sleeping. He returned to the doctor today in desperate need of a sleep aid. Hopefully this will temporarily cure the problem until his referral for a sleep testing center is approved. Doctor Amanda says it's sleep apnea. We will see.
At the advice of several dear friends, I am reading C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters. So far, I am enjoying it immensely. I can testify that there is so much truth in this work of fiction. It is so neat to be able to identify with the tactics that the devil can use to win over a soul or even make a valiant attempt at such. Lewis seems to have had an incredible understanding of the way God works as well as Satan and expresses it well in this book. I recommend it, for sure. Chapter 8 is my favorite.
In other news, Texas is HOT. Gee whiz is it hot. It's only May and it feels like a day in July at home in Tennessee. I love the outdoors so much but the heat truly makes it difficult to enjoy. Also, after an allergy test, I have come to find out that I'm allergic to Mountain Oak. I'm somewhat confused as to why there is a tree specific to central Texas called Mountain Oak. I have not seen any mountains around here. Am I missing something? Anyways, it sure is a bother to the sinuses.
We are all doing fine here in Texas despite the allergies, heat, and sleep apnea. After that last sentence, it seems as if the title of this blog should have been "Complaint After Complaint". Forgive me, for I do not mean to whine. Take it as more of an informative entry. That was my motivation from the start. We miss our loved ones terribly and are thankful for the friends we have made here with which we spend our time. Thank you for reading.

Rapidly Approaching a Milestone

Today is May 18, 2010. Eleven months ago, I gave birth to a precious little girl. I am sort of in shock that she is about to turn 1. I remember the first time I saw her face and felt what it felt like to hold her in my arms instead of my belly. I remember feeding her for the first time and even her first dirty diaper! The first time I heard her cry, saw her smile, fed her baby food, watched her pull up, and chased her around the house on all fours. Being a parent really is an incredible thing. It demands an immense amount of responsibility and discipline. I have found that if I obey those demands as I should, the reward is abundant. I have never known such a happy baby. I am encouraged and excited about the life that she will be provided with while she grows up. I pray that she will grow up secure in her faith and that that will lead to security in herself. She has so many people that adore her. She actually has 6 great grandparents, four grandparents, many surrogate grandparents, and so many other friends that love and will support her. For all of that, I am beyond thankful. God is so good. Who am I that he would bestow such blessings on me? I think it's proof that he loves me truly. He is crazy about me and I like to think that he is up there sweet talkin' me too. Frankly, I'm convinced I'm his sweet girl and his beloved. What little girl doesn't dream of being someone's beloved? I sure did and that's one fairy tale that has come true.

Spaghetti Pie and Jesus

Last night we had spaghetti pie for dinner. It was our first time to eat it and my first time to make it. I try to pick 3 or 4 new recipes out of my cook books every time I go grocery shopping to try. This one was a success. I just wish I had more people to feed! We always have leftovers. I long for family or a neighbor I could take food to. While I was making the pie, I threw some vanilla ice cream components in the ice cream maker. After Em went to bed, we had strawberry shortcake--one of my very favorite deserts. Something makes me feel like it's a little bit healthy which furthers my enjoyment. Emily is doing some better today. All the congestion is loosening up. She's got to be just about the cutest thing i've ever seen. She is wearing yoga pants today. Adorable.
I just spent about thirty minutes on the front porch doing a couple days out of this week's study. So far, this week has been mostly for education's sake. Not too much applies to me. That's a bit selfish to say, I suppose. Forgive me. I enjoy it though because it gives me direction to read the scriptures as opposed to just opening the Bible and reading away. Today's lesson was about encouraging barren women to hold fast and cling to the Lord because He can make a woman more spiritually fruitful than a woman who has many children. Of course, I think it's possible to be fruitful in both ways.
I am so fascinated by the History channel and the National Geographic channel. I just love the shows where they attempt to reenact history. Right now, I'm watching a special on Stonehenge. It has inspired me to read a book about spiritual warfare. New archaeologists believe that Stonehenge was built as a dwelling place for their dead ancestors. I'm not sure how I feel about that. It has been recommended to me to read CS Lewis' Screwtape Letters. Any other suggestions? I'm especially seeking the advice of my father-in-law here.
I've been craving college lately. I want homework assignments and new books to read and papers to write. Weird--I know. So, until I can satisfy that craving, I'll settle for reading books at my own pace about my Father and this world that He's created. That ought to do for now don't you think?
I am just so full of love and so happy with the changes that the Lord has made in my life. I highly recommend surrendering areas of bondage to Him for He is faithful to liberate. He is strengthening our marriage, my family relationships, and friendships. A relationship with the Lord is not what I once thought-- faithful church-going, a 15 minute devotion, prayer before meals. It is not the normal--it's the exceptional. He demands all of us, not just Sundays and a few moments before bed. Jesus isn't something you do, He is what you live, breathe, and love. He desires for us to fall in love with him. He is the ultimate love and we are His bride. He thinks our beauty is breathtaking. By loving Him first, we are free to love our human loves even more. We are free to let them be human and seek perfection only from He who is perfect. Being full of Christ and hungering for more is the best feeling in the whole wide world. Believing that He loves me so much, that I am so precious to Him even more than my own husband is to me is mind boggling. How do I know He loves me so much? Because the Bible tells me so.

Events

Well, our life has been unexpectedly eventful lately so I feel that I must blog about it. Jonathan took me to a Gaither Homecoming concert for Mother's day. I have to say that was probably the best present ever. The concert was absolutely amazing. We were the youngest people there by twenty or thirty years easily, but we didn't mind. I can't express how happy I am at my decision for a husband--he loves the Gaithers! (among many many other reasons, of course :)). We just had a blast. I got my picture taken with some of my most favorite famous people. The concert lasted from 3-7:30. Emily was left in completely capable hands with our friends, the Woodersons so we knew she was happy and well taken care of. We decided to be spontaneous--one of my other favorite things to do. I have had an itch to go swimming lately so Jonathan took me to a Holiday Inn and got us a room. Then he took me to WalMart and got us bathing suits seeing as how we didnt bring anything with us. The pool was freezing so we opted for the hot tub. It was relaxing. It's so true what they say about Holiday Inn's...you really do wake up rested. I slept so so so good. We woke up early Sunday morning and headed back to Killeen. On the way back, we talked about how much we missed Emily. We made all the little faces she makes now and remembered how cute she was. When we got back and saw her, she looked different after only one day! I can't believe how she is changing. She's growing into a little kid.
She had been congested a little bit over the past three days but Sunday night, it got really bad. She woke up at 11 pm that night and was struggling to breathe. We rubbed vicks on her, had her humidifier going, and did everything we knew to help her. We ended up being up with her all night and at 5 am, decided it was time to go to the ER. She was working so hard just to take a breath. I was scared to death. We got to the ER and as soon as we walked in the door, the nurse heard her wheezing and grabbed her. She took us right back to a triage room. Em's temperature was really high. We were moved to a different room where they started two breathing treatments. Those things are wonderful. They helped her so fast. They took some chest x-rays, gave her some meds, got her fever to break, and sent us home after 3 hours. Mommy, daddy, and Emily all took a nap. She is doing much better now. We are still on a strict motrin/tylenon regimen for the fever and her congestion is persisting but it is not near as bad.
Jonathan is gone to the range today and we miss him. Emily and I will play and play and play until he gets home. (It's her favorite thing to do.) We are counting down the days to my birthday because that means that Connie will be coming down! I am SO looking forward to seeing my best friend. Dear friendships are never to be taken for granted.

A legacy

There are tears in my eyes and flooding to my cheeks. A dear sweet friend of mine from college made a video about her sweet baby. Please take a few minutes of your day and share this with us. Let your heart be touched.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOkmkS1GWoc

Well, everything is going fine here in case anyone was wondering. Just the same daily stuff. An army that isn't so much fun to deal with, the sweetest baby girl ever, and a house that seems to continually dirty itself. I got all of our wedding pictures developed and in an album. Over 400 of them! It was quite a job to get them put in some kind of order, but I am very happy with the results. I attended a Beth Moore simulcast last Saturday. I really enjoyed it. The only part that was lacking for me was the woman who aided in worship. Somehow watching someone jump around on stage distracted me. Maybe that's my own sin speaking. Probably. We enjoyed a 4 day weekend after the end of WLC for Jonathan. That was very nice. I tried my best to get a trip to the lake but it didn't work. "Next weekend" was my answer. But "next weekend" there are storms filling up the forecast so maybe the next. I need to get Emmers a bathingsuit anyways. I had one for her that was a newborn size but of course was too chicken to take her out in the sunlight for longer than ten minutes until she was 9 months old. New mom syndrome....yep I had it bad. We have ordered a baby jogger and after my failed attempt at jogging behind a normal stroller at the park yesterday morning, I am super excited. Another random tidbit: I woke up the other morning and suddenly knew how to french braid. It's rapidly become my favorite hairstyle--mainly because it takes about two minutes and stays all day. What's better than that? I find myself eager to finish my degree. "Degree in what?" You may ask. Well, that's still up for debate...I just want the degree. Any suggestions out there? I'm up for them. Most of all, I find myself eager to get home and afraid of change all at once. You just haven't seen complicated until i've told you all the secrets of my soul. :)