What a Day That Will Be

I was listening to the radio yesterday in the car while J was getting a movie in Blockbuster. A song came on the radio that I really enjoyed hearing. Please take a moment to read the lyrics. I'll also post a link to the song if you'd like to hear it.

When sorrows come and hope seems gone
You’re the Rock I rest upon
When waters rise and I can’t breathe
You’re the love that rescues me

Out of the darkness
I lift up my eyes
Unto the hills
I feel my faith rise

Maker of heaven, giver of life
You are my strength, my song in the night
My refuge, my shelter
Now and forevermore
My help comes from the Lord

When I’m broken, scarred by sin
Death gives way to life again
When I suffer, when I’m bound
In You I’m free, in You I’m found

Out of the darkness
I lift up my eyes
Unto the hills
I feel my faith rise

Maker of heaven, giver of life
You are my strength
You’re my refuge
Now and forevermore

Words and Music by Jon Abel, Barry Weeks, Tony Wood and Bryan Brown

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2K9sc3bCdi4

I am guilty of taking credit for giving Emily life when, in fact, I did no such thing. The same God who gave me life, breathed his breath of life into her tiny little body. I am so amazed and so grateful for this incredibly beautiful, miraculously healthy, and altogether amazing little girl that I have been entrusted with. I am reminded again that God is God and his rule is just. Another one of those things that I become too familiar with--Christ's purpose on the Earth was to do his Father's will.

*Matthew 26:42 (New International Version)

He went away a second time and prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done."

*John 4:34 (New International Version)

"My food," said Jesus, "is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work."

*John 6:38 (New International Version)

For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me.

These are just a few examples. To quote Beth Moore once again, "His Father's will is for every person to know God intimately and have fellowship with Him." That's what Jesus was all about and that's what we are supposed to be all about--to go to all lengths with our Lord. No exceptions.

Isaiah 51:10 (New International Version)

Was it not you who dried up the sea,
the waters of the great deep,
who made a road in the depths of the sea
so that the redeemed might cross over?

He is so powerful that he can make a path through the sea...the SEA! so that the redeemed can cross over. In the same chapter, verse 15 says that he can cause the seas to churn making the waves tower. What a powerful God. Surely he is more powerful than the oppressor. We can't let life's troubles defeat us. Our God is stronger. He knows what he's doing. Isaiah 43:18-19 says that he is doing a NEW thing. He never stops. He is so good to me. I am blessed beyond my comprehension and he hasn't stopped yet. When hard times come, I pray for the loving arms of my Jesus to reach down and hold me close to Him. I pray to inhale the peace that only he can give.

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him" (1 John 5:14-15).

I believe it's his will to comfort us when we are hurting and help us through our suffering here on earth. I believe that if I pray expectantly, I will receive.


And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.
(Mark 10:13-16 ESV)

This verse is so comforting. Jesus loves children so much. I love thinking about Jesus with children. It warms my heart and brings peace to my soul. I am so excited for the day when so many women will have the sweetest reunions that they could ever imagine with their own babies lost before they even laid their sweet eyes on this beautiful earth. What a day that will be!

A River Runs Through It

I'm hungry. I'm seeking. I'm loving. I'm hurting. All at once. Life is so full of suffering and pain. It seems that some of us experience that more than others and all of us experience it in different ways than others. The unknowns can be some of the hardest hurts.
Throughout my upbringing, I experienced some hurts. God gave me a thought very early on that he was allowing these hurts for His purpose. I believe with all of my heart that the things I've experienced, I am called to turn around and help others with. I experience these things to better relate to other young women who have experienced them too. These types of things don't just stop when you get married or think you have your life "together". Amy Grant sings a song that says "Hard times come. And they'll come 'til we're done".
As most of you know or can gather from my recent blog posts, I just finished up the Beth Moore "Breaking Free" study. One of the main things I took from that study is something rather simple that I've known all my life. I let myself get desensitized to things that I've heard a lot--Bible verses, songs, sayings, or regular occurrences. This is one of those things. We all know that God has us on this earth for His glory. Some people say, "Why does he deserve glory?" or "How could an all good God allow such misery and suffering in the world?". I can't tell you how many times I've heard those arguments. I'm not very good at apologetics. The fault is my own. But I know that God IS completely good. And he IS in control. I used to think that God loves as a verb. Not true. God IS love. It's not something he can stop doing whenever he wants. It's not selective or when he feels like it, as it is for us. He is love. It's his being. He never stops loving. And even in hard times, I'm no exception to the rule. He still loves me.
Because I know that he loves me, and because I know that the hard times just add to my testimony for the sole purpose of bringing him glory, I can have peace. 2 Thessalonians 3:16 "Now may the Lord of peace Himself continually grant you peace in every circumstance. The Lord be with you all!" It says that he will grant peace in EVERY circumstance. That feels good. Isaiah talked about peace all over his book. Peace will increase eternally, His peace is perfect and he gives it to the steadfast, the righteous receive peace as their reward, we are healed by his wounds, those who walk in the way of the Lord receive peace, peace will rule over you. It's everywhere! The word peace alone is used 26 times in Isaiah. Beth Moore taught me that the key to having peace is authority. She says, "When we allow the Prince of Peace to govern our lives, peace either immediately or ultimately results. Peace accompanies authority." I think that we will receive peace about anything when we are walking with him and the situation is totally and completely surrendered to him. When we take a leap of faith in what we cannot see and trust his will for our lives. I want peace like a river. One of my favorite childhood songs- I've got peace like a river. I've got peace like a river. I've got peace like a river in my soul. I love nature for those of you who don't know. And I absolutely love thinking of things metaphorically and parallel to an element of nature. A river is fitting here, of course. I think of the river that carved out the Grand Canyon. It was powerful--gosh was it powerful. It was probably turbulent, jumping over rocks when it came to them, and it was exciting. What a ride. But look at how beautiful the canyon is that this river created? Peace is not out of my reach or out of yours. It can come to anyone who will stomp on their pride, ask for it, and receive it. If you're anything like me, that's not easy to do but definitely possible. I know that this post hasn't been incredibly insightful but writing is therapy for me. I learn as I write and the truths that have become stagnant are brought to the forefront of my brain for fresh meditation. Maybe something written here will do the same for you.

Finally

Things have been surprisingly busy here as of late. I realize that I have absolutely failed at faithful blogging and for that, I am sorry. I have some good news: we will be moving home on September 1st. It's official! Well, as official as anything can be with the Army. To catch you up on recent events: Connie was here with us last week and left on Sunday. Jonathan has been very ill since Sunday. To top it off, we are eagerly awaiting the arrival of Nana and Pop and Grandma on Thursday. Pork chops will be on the grill, Emily will be beaming with anticipation, and big full-of-love hugs will be given. Just a short post for now to let you know I have not forgotten about my blogging commitment! This is an exciting time in our lives.

I wrote the following words at a young 17 years of age. They came to my mind recently so I thought I would share them with you. One of my favorite ways to understand something or think about something is by using a metaphor from nature. Oh, how I love nature.

The fire is familiar tonight. It's embers glow softly. They are the remnants of what once burned bright. The burning logs dominate in comparison and their product is a breathtaking bloom of flame. The wood crackles. As it continues to warm, it settles into the place that fits it best. Flames flicker, illuminating the room--also my eyes, my troubled eyes. As the smoke rises, it is as if i can see my thoughts entangled in its' whispy arms. It carries my thoughts up and exposes them to the world as the wind sweeps the smoke away.

A fire burns within me--a fire of love and compassion. Most see fire as destructive but tonight, I find it healing. It is here with me, beside me. I look into it and see everything that makes up who I remain to be. The sparks that suddenly break free give me hope that someone is out there who can love me--all of me. I hurt, but find peace in this moment--With an unbroken gaze, I can get a glimpse of my soul and the breadth of all that i am.

I can see your face, tonight, in the flames, and as hard as I try, I cannot extinguish it.

The fire is dying down. Does love die down? Maybe it is just sleeping for a time. After all, a burnt log is much easier to rekindle than a log that has never tasted the fire before.

Now the question is: is it better to be the fresh log or the burnt one?

Girls' Night

Tonight is girls' night because the guys have decided it's guys' night. They are going to see Robin Hood at the theatre and Keri, Emily, and me are staying in to watch Mean Girls. Jonathan was holding Emily upside down the other night (just playing, of course) and I saw something white underneath her gums. After some investigation, I discovered the answer to many of our questions as of late. She appears to be cutting three teeth at one time! I suppose this is fitting though seeing as how she is on the verge of her first birthday and only has two teeth. She is a tad behind on the dental part of development. Not for long! This discovery explains the intermittent diaper rash, spells of sleeplessness, and bouts of appetitelessness. That would be a neat word if it were a word at all. Oh well, you get the picture.
Jonathan is having significant trouble sleeping. He returned to the doctor today in desperate need of a sleep aid. Hopefully this will temporarily cure the problem until his referral for a sleep testing center is approved. Doctor Amanda says it's sleep apnea. We will see.
At the advice of several dear friends, I am reading C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters. So far, I am enjoying it immensely. I can testify that there is so much truth in this work of fiction. It is so neat to be able to identify with the tactics that the devil can use to win over a soul or even make a valiant attempt at such. Lewis seems to have had an incredible understanding of the way God works as well as Satan and expresses it well in this book. I recommend it, for sure. Chapter 8 is my favorite.
In other news, Texas is HOT. Gee whiz is it hot. It's only May and it feels like a day in July at home in Tennessee. I love the outdoors so much but the heat truly makes it difficult to enjoy. Also, after an allergy test, I have come to find out that I'm allergic to Mountain Oak. I'm somewhat confused as to why there is a tree specific to central Texas called Mountain Oak. I have not seen any mountains around here. Am I missing something? Anyways, it sure is a bother to the sinuses.
We are all doing fine here in Texas despite the allergies, heat, and sleep apnea. After that last sentence, it seems as if the title of this blog should have been "Complaint After Complaint". Forgive me, for I do not mean to whine. Take it as more of an informative entry. That was my motivation from the start. We miss our loved ones terribly and are thankful for the friends we have made here with which we spend our time. Thank you for reading.

Rapidly Approaching a Milestone

Today is May 18, 2010. Eleven months ago, I gave birth to a precious little girl. I am sort of in shock that she is about to turn 1. I remember the first time I saw her face and felt what it felt like to hold her in my arms instead of my belly. I remember feeding her for the first time and even her first dirty diaper! The first time I heard her cry, saw her smile, fed her baby food, watched her pull up, and chased her around the house on all fours. Being a parent really is an incredible thing. It demands an immense amount of responsibility and discipline. I have found that if I obey those demands as I should, the reward is abundant. I have never known such a happy baby. I am encouraged and excited about the life that she will be provided with while she grows up. I pray that she will grow up secure in her faith and that that will lead to security in herself. She has so many people that adore her. She actually has 6 great grandparents, four grandparents, many surrogate grandparents, and so many other friends that love and will support her. For all of that, I am beyond thankful. God is so good. Who am I that he would bestow such blessings on me? I think it's proof that he loves me truly. He is crazy about me and I like to think that he is up there sweet talkin' me too. Frankly, I'm convinced I'm his sweet girl and his beloved. What little girl doesn't dream of being someone's beloved? I sure did and that's one fairy tale that has come true.

Spaghetti Pie and Jesus

Last night we had spaghetti pie for dinner. It was our first time to eat it and my first time to make it. I try to pick 3 or 4 new recipes out of my cook books every time I go grocery shopping to try. This one was a success. I just wish I had more people to feed! We always have leftovers. I long for family or a neighbor I could take food to. While I was making the pie, I threw some vanilla ice cream components in the ice cream maker. After Em went to bed, we had strawberry shortcake--one of my very favorite deserts. Something makes me feel like it's a little bit healthy which furthers my enjoyment. Emily is doing some better today. All the congestion is loosening up. She's got to be just about the cutest thing i've ever seen. She is wearing yoga pants today. Adorable.
I just spent about thirty minutes on the front porch doing a couple days out of this week's study. So far, this week has been mostly for education's sake. Not too much applies to me. That's a bit selfish to say, I suppose. Forgive me. I enjoy it though because it gives me direction to read the scriptures as opposed to just opening the Bible and reading away. Today's lesson was about encouraging barren women to hold fast and cling to the Lord because He can make a woman more spiritually fruitful than a woman who has many children. Of course, I think it's possible to be fruitful in both ways.
I am so fascinated by the History channel and the National Geographic channel. I just love the shows where they attempt to reenact history. Right now, I'm watching a special on Stonehenge. It has inspired me to read a book about spiritual warfare. New archaeologists believe that Stonehenge was built as a dwelling place for their dead ancestors. I'm not sure how I feel about that. It has been recommended to me to read CS Lewis' Screwtape Letters. Any other suggestions? I'm especially seeking the advice of my father-in-law here.
I've been craving college lately. I want homework assignments and new books to read and papers to write. Weird--I know. So, until I can satisfy that craving, I'll settle for reading books at my own pace about my Father and this world that He's created. That ought to do for now don't you think?
I am just so full of love and so happy with the changes that the Lord has made in my life. I highly recommend surrendering areas of bondage to Him for He is faithful to liberate. He is strengthening our marriage, my family relationships, and friendships. A relationship with the Lord is not what I once thought-- faithful church-going, a 15 minute devotion, prayer before meals. It is not the normal--it's the exceptional. He demands all of us, not just Sundays and a few moments before bed. Jesus isn't something you do, He is what you live, breathe, and love. He desires for us to fall in love with him. He is the ultimate love and we are His bride. He thinks our beauty is breathtaking. By loving Him first, we are free to love our human loves even more. We are free to let them be human and seek perfection only from He who is perfect. Being full of Christ and hungering for more is the best feeling in the whole wide world. Believing that He loves me so much, that I am so precious to Him even more than my own husband is to me is mind boggling. How do I know He loves me so much? Because the Bible tells me so.